The Gray Monk

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October 01, 2008

Fun song from the Flood Appeal

Dear Mr Brown

Dear Mister Brown. Welcome to our town
We're sorry it's not smarter but we're six feet under water!
And we all got very wet, but we ain't stopped smiling yet.
We're so glad you came to see us Mister Brown.

Just one final question, when it comes to compensation.
When you calculate my quota, just remember I'm a floating voter.
Take a quick look then, back you go to Number Ten.
And we're glad you came to see us,
Though you wouldn't want to be us,
We're so glad you came to see us Mister Brown.

The tune is a catchy one accompanied by a banjo and other instruments are added as it develops including a trombone, tuba and a spinkling of other brass. The tuba and particularly the trombone take a big part in the last verse, particularlyt the last line with the classic trombone slide through the notes as he takes the melody over and ends it with a good rich sound.

The words are reproduced here with the permission of the author who also composed the tune and arranged the recording of the entire disc. Jon Benns, whose own shop, The Music Trade, was flooded, and his team wrote, performed and pulled together a wide range of musicians to make the CD "A drop in the ocean" - their effort to raise money for the Flood Relief Fund. Jon's own band, the Happy Accidents are worth a listen as well and a visit to their website allows you to hear two of their numbers.

Funny thought - but with all the economic disaster around us at the moment and Mister Brown's spin doctors rushing about trying to tell us he's the only man that can save us from it - I have this sudden feeling of de ja vu. After all he made some sweeping promises about reviewing plans for flood defences and building in flodd plains last year. The message doesn'tr seem to have reached the Environment Agency or the Whitehall planners .....

Time to drop the dead donkey I think.

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September 20, 2008

A bad deal for liberals?

According to research I found through An Englishman's Castle those of a "liberal" persuasion may have evolved a lack of response to threat stimuli. It makes interesting reading, but apparently those who react swiftly to sudden loud noises, or to perceived threats are more likely to hold "conservative" views and those who do not are likely to have a "liberal" vision. His post can be found here.

It seems that the response to threat is one of many stimuli that cause our bodies to release certain hormones that help us prepare for the natural responses of "Flight, Fight or Mate", though I rather think that last one may not depend on getting a fright! Apparently those who respond quickly to any perceived threat have responses designed to help us survive in a hostile envoironment, those who do not, tend not to have the stimuli in time to respond appropriately ...... Maybe the bored Guardsman in Gilbert and Sullivan's Iolanthe, who postulates that every little boy and girl is born either a conservative or a liberal, was right on top of the truth without knowing it!

Now comes the crunch, those who do respond rapidly tend to hold "conservative" views on life. Those who do not, tend to be "liberal", which, if evolution does its thing, means that liberalism should die out in a few more centuries.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:08 PM

September 14, 2008

How do you know autumn is right around the corner?

Autumn is right around the corner

when you have to get up before the sun in the mornings to be at work in time

when after a misty night you suddenly discover that there has been an army of architects at work in the garden

Spider webs that have been invisible during dry sunny days suddenly reveal their beauty and complexity through small dew drops clinging to them

and when rather obscure shrubs suddenly burst into riotous colours

It's always fascinating to watch this little spindle tree turning from green into flaming red every september

and when - best of all - the apples on the small tree Mausi keeps in a big flower pot are ripe at last!

Makes your mouth water, doesn't it?

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September 05, 2008

Look out for the Idiot gene ....

A friend sent me this collection of items from the ever shallower pool of intelligence. It seems that there must be a genetic effect at work here because it seems to affect any number of nations and people. I have encountered some of these myself in my travels around the UK, sometimes in the least expected places.

And the problem is that they do breed and they and their offspring have the vote ......

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one B & D made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used this repairman since.

IDIOT SIGHTING

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's drive thru window and I gave the teen a $20 note. Our total was $10.50, so I also handed her fifty cents. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me ten dollars back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the fifty cents, and said 'We’re sorry but we can't do that kind of thing.' The teen then proceeded to give me back $9.50 in change.

Do not confuse the teenagers at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local council office to request the removal of the Kangaroo sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many kangaroos are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,

'That's why we ask.'

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that animal-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at a dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us... And the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE

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September 04, 2008

Back to school ....

Da Goddess has a fun post up on her blog about her school memories. It sparked me wondering about the things that stay with me from my school days. So what did I enjoy at school? What did I hate?

What are your back-to-school memories? Tell us about one. Your memory can be your own, or one from watching your child go to school, or a story inspired by a memory, or anything back-to-school-y. Either way, make us smell the must of the chalk or the acridity of teen spirit.

* Try to write your entry in 10 minutes. This encourages top-of-mind, primal thinking before the ego and judgmental brain kick in. Just set a timer, make your kid count to 600 slowly, whatever. It’s an honor system. And I trust you.
* Aim for 250 words or less.
* Please have fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Together, let’s rediscover the simple joy in the writing process.
* Post your submission in the comments OR post in your blog and leave a link to your blog in the comments.

Well here goes mine. It was my first day in the Senior School and I was unsure of where to go or what to expect. I knew it wouldn't be the same as the Primary I had attended for the previous seven years even though it was the same "family" of schools. The Selborne Schools, Primary and College, are famous in South Africa and, in my day, had a reputation for academic excellence and sporting achievement. In South Africa the senior school, Selborne College, is one of the oldest non-private (Or in English terminology "Public") schools and equated roughly to a Grammar School.

The memories of that first day are mixed. It was a complete sea-change for all of us, but at least I had the company of many of my friends from the Primary. The smell of the classrooms was a mix of chalk dust and books, of half eaten sandwiches and quietly moldering rubbish stuffed into the ancient desks. It took some getting used to changing classrooms every period and some of the teachers seemed quite threatening. Some turned out to be brilliant and some lost us completely. It was at this point that I lost the plot with Mathematics completely, but we had brilliant English and History Masters who brought the subjects to life, the sciences were good as well but Commercial Aritmetic and Bookkeeping were bottom of my list. Our Latin Master was a Rugby player of note (Provincial Cap) and our Headmaster an austere man who was also a Methodist Lay Preacher. His daily assemblies were memorable. He and the Latin Master spoke Latin to each other, something, I realise now, was a bit of snobbery on their part.

The "Old" School, still in use, but now extended considerably.

I look back in some surprise at what I did learn from them and what I did not. I learned to avoid certain things and which teachers I could get by with and which ones not to even try to hoodwink. I suffered sports (I'm not the sporting type) and gave them up as soon as I could. My "sports" have always been sailing and rowing and I happily did these on my own. I collected broken ribs and a damaged shoulder from rugby, a smashed knuckle from cricket and knocked myself out landing badly in the gymnasium. But on that first day - all this was in the future. On that first day we found ourselves being introduced to a range of teachers who were legendary characters, "Dronkie" Muller (Mathematics), "Champ" Champion (Biology) (Suffered badly from Shell Shock and "heard" people talking in class), Tony Grogan (Art), Mister Carlson (History and Geography) (Provincial Rugby Cap), Mrs Stonier (English), "Piggy" Parker (Latin)(His nickname arose from his having a small pig farm as a sideline), "Charlie" Corbett (Bookkeeping and Commercial Arithmetic) and Mister Stonier our Chemistry and Physics Master. To my shame I can't recall the name of the Afrikaans teacher we had, but his nickname was "Oupa" - meaning Grandad. I obviously learned something from him since I can still speak it reasonably well!

On balance I did well, but, as my reports so often said, I could have done much better. I'm glad I had the good fortune to attend such a good school, I just wish my kids could have been so fortunate.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:36 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 01, 2008

Ferry across the Murky - sorry Mersey.

Last week I spent three days at an exhibition in Murkyside, otherwise known as Merseyside, in the City of Liverpool. The conference centre is a super modern building on the Albert Dock, once the bustling hub of shipping, but now, like so many of the UK's former commercial and industrial sites, a complex of shppoing malls, museums and hotels. The city itself is undergoing a massive programme of rebuilding, evidenced by the number of boarded up structures decaying quietly and the forest of tower cranes on those sites that are being redeveloped.

Some of the Irish Sea ferries berthed on the Birkenhead side of the river. Birkenhead was always considered "posher" than Liverpool apparently. The ferry made famous by the Beatles berths just upstream of the two ships in the picture.

The former Cammell Laird Shipyard. Cammell's have long gone, but the site is still used for ship repair and maintenance - as demonstrated by the pair of Her Majesty's Grey Funnell liners from the Royal Fleet Auxilliary undergoing maintenance work.

Liverpool and Birkenhead (LIverpool was once in Lancashire and Birkenhead in Cheshire - but now they are both part of "Merseyside") used to be thriving commercial and industrial centres. Liverpool particularly for its Transatlantic trade. This was the home of Cunard and White Star lines, the home port of the most famous trans Atlantic liners of all time. Now the port is gone, the victim of a failure by successive governments to modernise the facilities ro to tackle the rampant Socialist Unionism that has destroyed all hope of Britain ever recovering its industrial base on any meaningful scale. Liverpool in particular suffered badly under the Labour Party's caball in the early eighties who imposed a mafia style "Soviet" control over the Merseyside region. What was left of their industry simply went to the wall.

Cammell Laird has been the victim of Whitehall intransigence as well. Cancellation of orders for the navy, encouragement of foreign military sources for equipment and "trade offs" with Europe to reduce our ship building capacity to the benefit of Spain, The Netherlands and France to name but a few of the beneficiaries.

I will confess that it is twenty years since my last visit to this city and I found that visit depressing in the extreme. I haven't seen much to encourage me on this visit either. Certainly the bits I visited on this occassion had the feel of a place where the lights were on - but there were few people at home.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 10:35 AM | TrackBack

August 23, 2008

What's that big yellow ball in the sky?

Having just mowed the wet lawn I'm now recovering from a bout of hayfever! The sun is out and its a beautiful day, no wind, no clouds and warm sunshine. I hope it lasts, we need to dry out a bit again after what seems to be daily doses of rain. Mind you, I'm not complaining, my hayfever is always easier when it rains - the pollen doesn't get to me through the water.

Mind you, its a Bank Holiday, ergo; it will rain at some point during the weekend, that is what Bank Holidays are about.

As for me, well I never travel on Bank Holidays if I can avoid it so I'm staying home and catching up on all the things I need to get moved forward, like filling in forms for insurance policy renewal, signing off the accountants statements, finishing the proof reading of "The enemy is within!" and ...... The list seems to be endless. Still, its a beautiful day and I need to go and get some essential supplies from Messrs Marcus et Sparkus' emporium on the High Street. Then I had better get back to the grindstone or it will be midnight oil again - and at the price of oil these days that just eats up any profit in doing the work.

Perhaps getting up and going to bed with the birds is a good idea.

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August 17, 2008

Which Harry Potter character?

Which Harry Potter Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

I have to admit that this was a surprise - the very last character I expected to be ...

Posted by The Gray Monk at 06:42 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 16, 2008

Flattering

One of the authors on FanStory a literary site I belong to, has posted an Acrostic verse based on the name PATRICK. It is dedicated to me on the FanStory site so I am very flattered. Here it is

Persecuted by his enemies he has risen above their immorality,
Always finding good, praying for each that falls in evil fatality.
Teaching his family forgiveness and compassion for others,
Radiantly showing all people love, all are sister and brothers.
In loving devotion he preaches the Word of the Lord with passion,
Calmly calling all to give thanks, and to show others compassion.
Knowing great tiredness, he works on nobley, though wearied and ashen.

I hasten to add that she has taken the virtues of the saint for whom I am named and not mine into account in writing it!

The last line is especially poignant for me. As I have researched his life and times, I have been forced to the conclusion that, in his latter years (He died aged 76 by the most reliable accounts) he must have been suffering badly from arthritis. Almost certainly some of the things he was subjected to in his slavery will have left their mark and returned in the form of bad joints, skeletal problems and even digestive complaints. A man of great courage and even greater compassion.

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August 15, 2008

The pig in the bath ....

A story told me many years ago which came back to me this morning as I mowed the hedge and made the most of the early sunshine and lack of rain falling from the sky, is worth sharing again.

A man is walking home from the pub when he comes across another man, a stranger to him, struggling to get a pig through the door of his house. Now, as you may know, pigs come in three basic sizes. Large, Xtra Xtra Large and XXXX Large! This one was in the last category and is the biggest pig our man has ever seen. So he pauses and asks the obvious.

"What are you doing with that pig?"

"I have to get it inside the house quietly. The wife's asleep and I don't want to wake her," the man with the pig replies, "Can you give me a hand?"

Well our philanthropist has nothing better to do and after three pints is feeling quite benevolent so he agrees.

Between them they wrestle the porker into the hall, then up the stairs and finally get it into the bathroom. By now our philanthropist's beer levels are falling fast and he is beginning to wonder about why the gentleman wants the pig in the bathroom.

"Help me put it in the bath," the Pig Owner whispers, "and then I have some good beer downstairs for your pains."

"That sounds good," replies our philanthropist, and together they get the giant porker into the bath and secure him there. Then they make their way downstairs and the beer is produced and shared. After several pulls on the delicious pint, our philanthropist is overcome by curiosity.

"Sorry to be nosy, but why exactly do you keep the pig in the bath?"

"Well it's like this you see," the other man replies, "It's my wife. Everytime I say anything to her, she replies 'Yes, I know that already.'" He takes another pull on his beer and says, "Well she gets up first in the mornings, and tomorrow she'll go to the bathroom and see the pig. And she'll come running into the bedroom screaming "There's a pig in the bath". And for once in my life, I'm going to say, "I know that already!""

Yeah, I know.

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August 12, 2008

Organ recital

Had to introduce an organ recital today given by Dr Anthony Gritten, a renowned organist. I have met Anthony several times and always enjoy his programmes, but today had to be different. You see he asked me to "turn the pages" for him as he played. Whoa! For a start I am next to musically illiterate! I can read the Bass line - just - a legacy of having played the trombone some forty four years ago at school and sung - badly - in choirs since. But read a score for the organ? You're joking ....

He wasn't, so for the next fifty minutes I was perched alongside one of the UK's leading organists and desperately trying to follow the pedal line so that I could turn the page at the appropriate moment. Talk about nerves ....

The first piece was Louis-James-Alfred Lefebure-Wely's Sortie in G Minor. Most people will know his more famous Sortie in B Flat, but this one is, if anything even more fun, especially played by a master on an organ as magnificent as the Milton. And here's another tip - the organ sounds remarkable different when you are perched inside it! I managed to follow that piece reasonably well - though Anthony's nod helped, mainly because the pedal line is fairly distinct. The next item was apiece by Richard Francis who was present for the performance. The Prelude, Aria and Passacaglia was wonderful - and I only had one bad moment when the page refused to fold properly!

That was followed by eleven short movements by Guy Bovet, the Suite Pour Souvigny. This is the first time I have heard this piece and it was wonderful - but murder to follow correctly as the pedal line is incidental, but very, very distinctive. Fortunately it all worked out, I turned the pages as signalled and even managed to follow what was happening among all those notes. I was very relieved to find I had coped with this little challenge. Maybe I should now learn to read music properly - but on the other hand, I don't think I'll volunteer too often for this task.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 04:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 09, 2008

Personality Quiz

Which Battlestar Galactica Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Well, many years ago I was a big fan of Battlestar Galactica, but the new version just hasn't got my attention in the same way. Still, it could be worse I suppose - I could have turned out to be Baltar or a Cylon clone!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 10:34 PM | TrackBack

August 07, 2008

Ramblings among my books ...

On my recent visit to Tehran I mentioned to my students that I knew some of the Quatrains of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, the 11th Century Persian Mathematician, Poet and Philosopher. At the end of their course they flattered me with a presentation of a most beautiful illustrated boxed book of the Rubiayat.

Now I had better explain. Omar Khayyam's poetry was my father's favourite. He could quote it liberally. But the little copy of the verses that he had didn't have any illustrations. The large book I now possess has the most beautiful illustrations, the work of a Persian artist and each a work of art in itself. The book does not have all the Quatrains Omar wrote but it does have almost half of them and they are reproduced in five languages - Persian and Arabic on the right hand page, English, German and French on the left.

If you don't know the poems, here is one of his most famous:

"The Moving Finger writes: and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it."

It's worth looking up - this man of antiquity has a lot to say in our own age.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 10:02 PM | TrackBack

July 27, 2008

Some funnies ....

One Happy Dog Speaks is always good for some funnies - typically on a Wednesday. But this list of matters of ettiquette is priceless.

My favourite? Try its tacky to take a removal van to a funeral - even if you are in the Will.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 21, 2008

Over the rainbow

Yesterday was exhausting for all the Abbey team. It marked the first anniversary of the devastating flood that hit our town an our county last year. This year the rain stayed away, although the north wind was cool and occasional clouds did hide the sun from time to time. Work for this began at the beginning of the week with teams from sound engineers and a fireworks display crew preparing our Abbey to be the centre piece for a party to celebrate our recovery and, perhaps more importantly, our rediscovery of the community spirit necessary to overcome the huge problems the flood brought.

The service in the Abbey was a thanksgiving and a remembrance - three people died during the floods and many more had businesses and homes destroyed - yet the town has largely bounced back. It has been no small effort to do so and for many it is still traumatic. Yesterday provided an opportunity to celebrate recovery and to give a party for everyone in the town. The Church was packed for the service and the crowd remained afterward to surround the Abbey in a "Hug" to replace the image of the Abbey surrounded by water with one of it surrounded by people. In the grounds many local organisations set up stalls to advertise their activities and a local funfair provider set up some fabulous inflatable and other rides for the kids.

In the Pageant Meadow to the south of the Abbey a huge enclosure was created and a large covered stage set up. A variety of bands played throughout the day on this, in counterpoint to the Jazz Ensemble playing at the entrance to the Abbey on the north side. The day concluded with a fabulous fireworks display over around and on the Abbey itself, supplemented by a light display and accompanied by music played over the sound system rigged in the tower. Carleton Etherington thundered through the fireworks on the Magnificent Milton to be followed by the Pirates of the Caribbean and several other well known pieces with the Abbey bells bringing the whole to a ringing conclusion.

What a party, not a single problem or incident of disorderly conduct, a wonderful atmosphere and a really grand day out for the town. Everyone involved deserves congratulations and the town deserves a year ahead in which it recovers those last few homes and lays the last few ghosts.

Pictures can be found on the BBC Gloucestershire website. I'm afraid I was too busy to get any myself...

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July 17, 2008

Medieval banqueting - 21st Century style

Last night we held a banquet in the Abbey. That's right, in the Abbey, candlelit and seated at a great U shaped table in the Nave. Our Refectory cooked a truly medieval meal - a sort of chicken stew served on trenchers of bread and washed down with wine or beer. Father Abbot said the Grace (In Latin then repeated in Vernacular English) at the invitation of our Lord of Misrule for the evening, the Editor of our local newspapers. The organiser was none other than the lady wife of our Lord Lieutenant - who turned up in a full medieval costume and looked resplendent as he raised to Loyal Toast. And just for those who don't know, the Lord Lieutenant of Gloucestershire is one of the four "Marcher Lords" who defend England from the Welsh raiders across the border. The Lord Lieutenant in every county is the Queen's personal representative and, in her absence, is the Sovereign.

Now, before all the purists, iconoclasts and puritans among you start throwing your toys out of the pram let me point out two important things. When this building was built, this was only one of the uses that the Nave was regularly put too. The Nave of any church at that time served as a public meeting hall, occassional market place and a place where civic banquets could be held. The "Church" part of the Abbey begins at the "step" where the Monks Quire Screen stood and which shut off the Nave from the "Presbytery" - another name for the "Church" or "Sanctuary". I have no doubt at all that many of those who attended the Jerusalem Conference ahead of the Lambeth Conference will condemn this - but the interesting thing is this - if you go back to the origins of the "Church" you discover that this is how they met for their worship and to celebrate the Eucharist - in a meal. And those who feel that this is an inappropriate use should think carefully on this - nearly half those attending were not church goers, yet most said that they were now considering joining since the church wasn't as "stuffy" as they had been brought up to believe.

Our meal was accompanied by a group of musicians playing medieval instruments, shawms, serpentines and several stringed instruments whose names escape me and they sounded exactly right in this glorious building. The group call themselves Bubonic Wind and they are very good indeed - especially in the magical accoustic of the Abbey. This ancient building has witnessed many things, but hopefully will recall this one with joy and hope.

Will we be doing it again? You can bet on it!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 11:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 16, 2008

The Physics of Electromagnetic wave transmission

I have to admit my eldest daughter sent me this link - and it is hilarious. As an explanation of electromagnetic transmission, it may be a little off the wall, but it has got some amusing insertions......

Physics is, for most of us, a "Dark Art", one we would like to think we understand, but rarely have much more than a 'surface' knowledge. Spend any time in the presence of a Physicist and you suddenly discover that a whoile range of things you thought you had a reasonable grasp of, unravel before your very eyes and you begin to doubt everything you ever learned. Quantum is a good example. To most people "Quantum" means to big to grasp - it actually means very, very small!

Oh, and don't ask a Physicist how electricity is transmitted through cables.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 10:56 AM | TrackBack

July 13, 2008

Medieval madness?

My fellow Church Warden and I, in a moment of madness, offered to give tours of the roof spaces of the Abbey. These proved far more popular than we bargained for and I am now exhausted - four trips up the stairs into the roof, round the roof, through the South Transept and down the Night Stairs with parties of between five and ten a time. My fellow CW did as many trips as I.

I would probably have done five trips, but I was asked to show several people the Clarence Vault - and for a small consideration, I agreed. The problem was I ended up with around thirty people wanting to see this small vault that now houses the small glass box containing the mortal remains of George Duke of Clarence (Poor perjured Clarence in Shakespeare) and Isabella Despenser, his wife. The floor of this vault is covered by medieval acaustic tiles, though they are covered by a fine powdering of sediment as the vault floods every time the rivers rise beyond a certain point. The bones themselves have weathered badly with age and - due to the dampness of the vault - have a light covering of mould. We are considering re-interring them in a small stone coffin made for the purpose which will be left in the vault.

The roof is another matter, the top of the beautiful lierne vaulting is not half as attractive as the decorated underside, yet the structure is in itself amazing. The vault is in effect created by a convergence of thin arches and the gaps between these is then filled in using 'rag stone' - undressed stones - in a manner similar to that used for drystone walling. When the stones are placed and the 'key' stone is inserted, the forces are transmitted sideways through each stone to the wall and the vault 'locks' in place. The gaps are filled with lime mortar and the inner face plastered with a lime plaster - and then painted and decoration added. But above rubble is simply piled on the increase the weight and this secures it as an immovable mass, Over the vault the huge timber trusses span from wall to wall, each truss created by mortice and tenon joints and these are locked with wedges and trenails - wooden pegs inserted through drilled holes and then driven home with a mallet. The marks of saw, chisel and even the workmans scored lines for his cut and hole boring are still visible on some of these ancient timbers.

Elsewhere the stones show the signs of workmanship, sometimes revealing that an error has led to a stone being discarded for its original purpose and used elsewhere. Masons marks, graffitti and numerous small 'personalised' details bring the whole thing to life. As one vistor said when faced with beautifully detailed carving on a pillar's concealed face in the clerestory - "Why? Who would know it wasn't carved on this side?"

The answer is "God and the mason would know" and for that reason alone, no mason would ever leave work unfinished.

Madness? It probably was madness that inspired us to offer to do this, but it has been a very rewarding experience. One of the re-enactors left a small posy on the Clarence repository, quietly and without saying anything at all about it. Another man, a carpenter, went into raptures about the beauty of a joint in one of the roof trusses while someone else was moved by a piece of unfinished stone carving simply used as a block in the wall in an unseen part of the building. Everyone apparently found something in what they have seen today that set them thinking.

God does move in some interesting ways to touch peoples hearts and minds.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 12, 2008

Medieval Tewkesbury

This weekend we have a medieval camp and fair in Tewkesbury - and a re-enactment of the battle fought here in 1471. I Have to admit that it is a bit weird to walk down High Street and be confronted by Medieval Lords, Ladies, Knights and Peasants all in correct clothing and some even wearing hefty swords. Notably Mister Plod and his consorts don't try to intervene on that aspect - mind you, I wouldn't particularly want to argue with someone carrying a pole axe either!

The Fair is an experience. There are booths for armourers, fletchers, sword makers, furniture makers and even tent makers. There are New Age crystals, incense and food for vegetarians. There are musicians, stuntmen and "Fools" - and everywhere there are soldiers of the two armies, in their hauberks, armour and accouterments.

An Armourer with his wares - anything from a full suit of armour to a replacement greave.

The stall holders make a living from their wares, many coming from very far afield to be here. This year I have encountered people from Germany, from Poland, from Hungary and the US. Though I have to admit that I did blink when confronted by an man in chain mail and the surcoat of the Duke of Gloucester (Later to be Richard III) speaking with a strong Mid-Western accent!

An armoured knight explains his weapons and his armour to admirers.

Most of the Re-enactors take their roles seriously and the realism includes "getting into the part" completely. So from the moment they arrive to the moment they leave they try to camp in the same way as their medieval counterparts, they try to cook medieval food and even their tents are wonderful medieval concoctions completely furnished with the sort of camp furniture used in that period - and if you think it was rough and ready, think again. Some of it would do very nicely in a modern house, better designed and better built and looking than much of what you can buy in the furniture stores.

What is a Fayre without entertainment - this Black Morris were very good indeed. The Black Morris is supposed to be a representation of Moors, but other authorities say it arose after the Black Death.

Morris Dancing is a very ancient tradition and is really a fertility rite. The Morris has its origins in a rite supposed to be performed at Lughnassad - 1st February - which marked the start of Spring and signalled the lambing season and spring planting. Now it is performed mainly at Fayres and through the summer at numerous country pubs - sorry Village Greens - to amuse and entertain the tourists. But secretly, so the dancers can track down the best ales in the country.

All in all, the medieval festival is a lot of fun and swells the population of this town by a considerable number. Long may it continue.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:05 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 11, 2008

Let the music speak ....

Last night the Abbey rang to the music of the Estonian Philharmonia Choir. Unaccompanied, their voices filled the Abbey enthralling the capacity audience and bringing the stone walls to vivid life as the sound made them ring. This is what the building was designed for, the unaccompanied, un-amplified human voice. It is a sound that has to be heard to be understood.

The varied programme included works from the English canon of early music, modern pieces by Finnish composer Arvo Part and Estonian composers. They gave us an encore as well - a Russian Orthodox piece that I know well - and they outsang the recording I have.

And tonight we have the Philharmonia Orchestra for a gala concert with the Philharmonia Choir .....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:59 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 10, 2008

Medieval weekend

This weekend Tewkesbury slips into a timewarp and a big chunk of it slips back 500 years - to 1471 in fact. Each year we have a huge group descend on our town from all over the world. Most dress in medieval costume, some even bring armour and they re-enact the battle between Queen Margaret and her son Edward of Westminster and Edward IV, his uncle, for the throne of England.

The actual battle occured on the 4th May 1471, but it is usually far to wet and cold at that season to attract camping or visitors, so they hold the re-enactment now, on the second weekend in July. Naturally the Abbey forms quite a large centre piece to all of this, pertinent too since the battle ended in our nave with the Abbot driving the soldiers out and denying the King entry with the threat of eternal damnation. His only weapon, the Ciborium containing the consecrated Host - the bread of communion. Abbot John Strensham was obviously a man to be reckoned with since he remained Abbot even though he had probably offended Edward IV, a man who did not take challenges to his authority, or slights to his will, lightly.

The King did get his way in one particular though, he demanded and got, on pain of the sequestration of the Abbey, the surrender of all the Lancastrian nobles who had taken refuge in it. In this he was within his rights, for the Abbey was not a licenced "Sanctuary". The Duke of Somerset and all the Queen's chief supporters were removed and promptly tried and beheaded at the market cross the following day. The Abbey Church itself was closed for almost six months for cleaning, purification and repair, being reconsecrated by the Bishop of Worcester in October 1471.

But one part of the story remains shrouded in mystery, for a little over a hundred years ago, workmen found toys, household goods and even some childrens shoes and other apparel in the roof of the nave and the two great aisles. These were stuffed into a box and deposited at the County Museum, where a hundred years later they were identified as being from the 1470's. Study of the history of the battle reveals nothing of the townspeople, and the Abbey records, such as still exist, reveal little - except that food consumption seems to have been remarkably high for a few days. It appears that the Abbot had concealed the towns women and children in the roof, giving them refuge while the town and its people lay open and vulnerable to the depredations of two hostile armies. There is certainly room in there for several hundred people, but one can only imagine what it would have been like without light, dependent on others to bring food or water - and no toilets!

The re-enactment is always fun, though one does get the odd surprise turning a corner or entering Markus et Sparkus' emporium to be confronted by folk in medieval garb. The camp sweels the towns population by about five thousand and the day visitors bump it up even more. We at the Abbey will be joining in the fun, welcoming those exploring this ancient building and even opening up the roof and a few other places not normally seen by visitors for those fit enough and active enough to see them. Our Parish Eucharist will be celebrated on the Bloody Meadow in the midst of the camp, bringing the message of the gospel to all those who are there and remembering those, known and unknown, who died there in 1471.

Do join us if you can.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 06:45 AM | TrackBack

July 07, 2008

Conferences and narrow boats ...

Last week the Monk attended a conference in Blackpool for three days at a very posh hotel which apparently does its best to appear not to be in Blackpool even though you can see the famous (or infamous) tower from the car park. I have to say, that the staff both at the hotel I was staying in and the Conference venue were among the nicest and most cheerful young people I have had to deal with in a long time. They were friendly, helpful and polite - and always smiling, no matter what happened.

One very funny moment occured when a group of us went for a meal in the restuarant adjoining my hotel. We are all long standing friends and colleagues and we "take the mickey" out of each other, tease, and generally give as good as we get. The waitress who came to take our order watched the banter and the arguing over whether or not we would have wine with this, whether it would be red or white, or just stick with various beers in something like amazement. Finally she asked, "Are you guys all family? You sound like one!"

THat set the tone for the rest of the conference and I suspect for some time to come. You see, we may not be related at all in the sense of "blood" ties - but we are all members of one of the best "famillies" on earth. The Old Style Fire Service.

Conference over, I took myself home and then on to Saul Junction for a part weekend afloat on a Narrow Boat called "Haere-Mai" at the Saul Junction Festival. I was there to help a friend, the owner of "Haere-Mai", make sure no one burned anything down. It rained, it blew like crazy, but that didn't stop a lot of people having loads of fun in the Folk Festival, on the water or just meeting up with old friends and old boats. There will be some pictures of all this eventually, I just have to find time to download them, down size them and post them. As we did our rounds of our fire points and checked no one was doing anything silly with some of the goods on sale, we found ourselves rubbing shoulders with every branch of British Eccentricity. Morris Men, Morris Women, people in pirate outfits, people in Motley, kids with their faces painted, big beards, big hair and even the odd medievalist.

Being boring of course, I was more interested in the boats ..... Oh, and the 100 year old steam traction engine hauling a trailer with people up and down ...... And the display team of Barge horses ........

Pictures, pictures, pictures ......

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:08 AM | TrackBack

MuNu back to normal ....

It seems that MuNu has recovered, everything so far seems to be working again. The details of the problem can be found here at Munuviana. It seems that the servers were having a bad day a week or so ago, and decided to share that with everyone using them.

Hiho - the joys of the electronic age.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

MuNu back to normal ....

It seems that MuNu has recovered, everything so far seems to be working again. The details of the problem can be found here at Munuviana. It seems that the servers were having a bad day a week or so ago, and decided to share that with everyone using them.

Hiho - the joys of the electronic age.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 03, 2008

A Cat's Sufferings

As if life weren't hard enough for a cat these days - yes, how would you like to have to walk around in a black-and-white furcoat at 30 Centigrad in the shade,pray - one of my human slaves had to make life extra uncomfortable for me last week.

With all this global warming around all you can do is trying to find a shady place and cool your tummy down...

So, okay, I had a cyst on my back and it was filling up and discharging all the time, and yes it was get bigger, starting from the size of a pea it had now reached the size of a table tennis ball. And true, there was a little wound on my lower jaw and something was growing out of it - but still, that's no reason to drag a cat to the vet if you ask me. And I absolutely resent the way it was done. I came walking into the house one evening and stayed on for a little nap, which I don't usually do at this time of the year. I prefer to spend the nights outside. My human eventually closed the shutters on the windows and went upstairs to bed. That's not a big deal, I know, I only have to go the bedroom and ask politely to be let out. Which I did, after a couple of hours. No reaction! I went downstairs hopefully but no one followed. So I tried again, sotto voce - no reaction! Next time I entered the bedroom I decided to change tactics - I jumped onto the bed and tried a long PUUURRRRRRRRRR! right into the ear. She didn't even stir!

At four o'clock in the morning I finally gave up, went downstairs and made myself comfortable on top of a big pile of freshly laundered bedclothes that awaited ironing. Serves her right!

And guess what - when my slave came downstairs eventually I still didn't get breakfast and she didn't even tell me off for lying on that pile. That was when I started to smell a rat. My suspicions were confirmed when she put me in that wicker basket. She usually takes me to the vet in that one, but it was not the time of the year to have my tetanus shots and the like! I was not in a very good mood when we arrived at the vet. I felt very hungry.

I didn't know then that I would feel a lot worse when my human picked me up again at lunchtime. Gosh, I felt as weak as a kitten and as sick as a dog. First thing I did when we got home was that I threw up in her front garden. Serves her right! All afternoon I tried to recover from the drowsiness and the loss of balance. Believe it or not - for hours I couldn't walk in a straight line. I felt extremely sorry for myself.

Poor me!

By four o'clock that night I had recovered enough to leave the house on my own paws. This time she let me out. But I hadn't forgiven her yet, oh NO. I refused to come inside the house again for two days and insisted on being served my meals outside in the garden.

After a week now I feel quite well again. I still have that wounds on my chin and back, all stitched up but it doesn't bother me too much. I only hope the fur will grow quickly again. Although it is a relief to have a bit of it off in this weather but in my experience bald patches never show off to your advantage. I have a strong suspicion we'll have to go to the vet again soon and have those stitches out. Well, this time I'll be prepared. Watch out, humans!

Posted by Mausi at 04:53 AM | TrackBack

June 30, 2008

Eishhhhh Wena! Bad language usage can be lethal....

To read this you need to use a slightly modified version of phonetics ....

Eishhhhhhh Wena u must not understanding the henglish sandwige

Two men walk into a pet shop and go over to the bird section. Sonnyboy says to Umfan, "Dat's dem."

The clerk asks if he can help them.

"Yebo, we take four of dose beds in dat cage lapa side," says Umfan. "Put beds in a pepa bag pleez, baas!"

The two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Sonnyboy's Hi Ace van and drive until they are high up on the hill and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. Sonnyboy takes the birds out of the bag, places 2 on each of his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Umfan watches as Sonnyboy goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'. As Umfan looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Haibo, dis budgie jumpin' is too dangerous for me."

A minute later, Philemon arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and carries the familiar 'pepa bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag and is carrying a gun in his other hand.

"Heita, Umfan. Watch dis," Philemon says, and launches himself over the edge of the cliff.

Umfan watches as half way down, Philemon takes the gun, blows the parrot's head off, and continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT, as he joins Sonnyboy's remains at the bottom.

Umfan shakes his head and says, "Eish baba, me is never tryin' dat parrotshooting nider."

After a few minutes, Goodman strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepa bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself off the cliff with the same result.

Once more Umfan shakes his head.

Hauw! First dere was Sonnyboy wit his budgie-jumping, den Philemon parrotshooting and now Goodman is hen-gliding!"

Posted by The Gray Monk at 09:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 23, 2008

Down the hole ....

My friends in South Africa have a big problem. Lack of maintenance on the roads (Alongside lack of expansion of services, lack of investment in infrastructure and a few other "lacks") has made any road journey an adventure. The roads have been damaged by heavy traffic - trucks far heavier than they were designed for - and the absence of any money for repair. So, cracks become holes, holes become dongas and eventually sinkholes. Some roads have become totally unusable I'm told and it is now not uncommon to find barriers set up around a hole with no plans to repair it.

A pothole victim waits for rescue!

As ever, the only thing the hapless residents can do is keep laughing about it.

I don't know who photoshopped this one, but I have to admit it is beautifully done. Thanks Christo!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 11:06 AM | TrackBack

June 19, 2008

A cautionary tale .....

Found at One Happy Dog Speaks - this cautionary tale (with pictures) of how on should be wary of that Christian urge to help the needy ......

Posted by The Gray Monk at 09:54 AM

June 16, 2008

A bird in the flue ...

Got up this morning to hear a strange fluttering in the living room. A quick search revealed nothing in sight - initially a relief, since only a week ago I found a distressed bird in this same room, eagerly watched by one Madam Paddy Cat as it perched on a model ship on top of my bookcase. Relief was shortlived, the fluttering was very definitely coming from behind the gas-fire - in short the idiot avian was inside the flue!

Now I had several options. First, check whether it is possible for something the size of a bird to get out through the vents at the top of the "fire". Those looked a little too small. So next option, how do I make t bigger. It seemed the only option was to move the entire fire. That meant disconnecting the gas, unbolting the "fire' from the wall and then shifting the whole thing out. That is a job for a gas fitter, not a D-I-Y averse ex-firefighter. So, back to the phonebook. First call to the 24 hour helpline for the RSPCA. Chocolate fire guard springs to mind for all the help I got there. Summed up it was "Phone Transco to turn off your gas supply - then remove the gas fire ....." Next, try to find a gas fitter. Several abortive calls later I stopped to make a cup of coffee and give this some thought.

Coffee in hand I was about to consider the next move when the phone rang. It took a few minutes to deal with the subject of that and then back to dealing with the bird in the flue .....

Back in the living room, the flutter of wings, at the door a disinterested cat. Madam glanced at me, flicked a tail at the bird and swished out of the room. Her entire attitude said, "You let the last one go - you catch this one!" I shut the door, removed the curtains and opened the windows as wide as I could. Would the idiot bird leave? Of course not. It perched on the model ship and peered at me.

Now I'm not a bird watcher and I'm certainly adrift when it comes to UK and European birds. I grew up in Africa and we have different plumage on most of the "similar" birds and there are some here I just don't recognise. This one looked like a starling, except it was brown, a deep chocolate brown with a long sharp black beak. I waved my hands at it and it took off - but not for the window! We chased from perch to perch until the idiot thing collided with the open windows frame - and darted off.

So now I know how the last visitor got in - down the chimney, which means that the bird guard up there is gone. A legacy of the stormy spring? Or maybe the work that was done up there by the Housing Association's people a few months ago. So how to get it back? Well, the HA (Who own the block in which I own a lease) claim its not their problem - except that my lease says they are responsible for the exterior and its fittings .......

This may take some time - and in the meantime I can expect more avian visitors I suppose.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 06:00 PM | TrackBack

June 12, 2008

Hilarious

Found this hilarious story at One happy dog speaks. Its so good I have to share it - so follow the link to Humour for the dreaded Wednesday.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 04, 2008

Buy this CD!

A friend of mine - Andrew Ian Dodge of Dodgblogium - and his wife have put out a CD. Kim is a comedienne and has appeared in a number of UK and US TV shows. The CD, entitled "The wedding EP" can be found here.

Andrew and Kim are, for those who don't know them, a fun couple with a good sense of humour. When he is not making music Andrew is writing and his Cthulu tales are pretty damned good. Why not give this latest bit of fun a whirl and try it out. You'll find that it can be downloaded as well - for less than a £1. Bargain! Even the CD at $4 a shot is a bargain .....

Oh go on - you know you're tempted.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 10:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 30, 2008

One I have to share.....

The Grizzwells is just to good today not to be shared .....

And yesterdays sums up our age very well indeed.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 27, 2008

Home at last ....

Nice as it is to see new places and visit old friends, its nice to get home again too. Courtesy of Delta we arrived on time and in one piece in Frankfurt am Main this morning. My flight bookings meant a wait of some seven hours in the terminal, but, having booked my luggage into Flybe and got my boarding card sorted - I went home with Mausi, returning to the airport in time for the flight home. Courtesy of Flybe I have arrived home in one piece and with my luggage this evening.

Madam Paddy Cat is delighted, I'm exhausted and now to bed! Photos of our travels and marvels will follow in due course!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:46 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

May 26, 2008

Heading homeward

All good things must end they say, and so our little tour is coming o a close. Today we start north again towards Cincinnatti and the airport. Our flight leaves this evening and arrives in Frankfurt tomorrow. Mausi then returns to her normal domain and her work while the Monk catches another flight to Birmingham and home.

Ce la vie! It has been good fun, lots of interesting people to meet, much to see and some interesting wines to savor. I bet that not many people outside Kentucky know that its wines are at least as good as its Bourbon. Better, some would argue, but not to loudly.

Oh well, finish packing, get the car loaded and time to head for Lexington and the Horse Museum on our way to the airport. More, probably with pictures, once we get home.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 25, 2008

Heading North again

Sunday in Richmond KY. Today we are spending with good friends and having a BBQ lunch. This is our last full day here, tomorrow we must be at Cincinnatti Airport for our flight home around lunchtime and the plan is to drive North from here in the morning.

Mausi has been doing all the driving - assisted by the GPS (sometimes) - and generally hindered by the Monk. At least she is used to driving on the wrong side of the road, unlike the Monk whose concept of positioning on the road and in the lanes is quite a bit out of wack here. We have both been struggling with the road markings and signs which are not what we encounter elsewhere, but, by and large, we haven't broken any rules or caused any problems on the road.

Its been fun, but, as ever, the prospect of going home has its attractions too. Just wish it didn't involve sitting in an aircraft for 9 hours to Frankfurt, four more waiting for the connection and then two more to Birmingham. At least the drive home is quite short - and on the right side of the road!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 23, 2008

Kentucky rambling

Well we've fetched up in Berea. We left Louisville this morning and made our way to Elizabethville and then to Hodgenville and the park now occupying the site of the farmstead on which Abraham Lincoln was born. The Sinking Spring Farm is now a National Park, the huge memorial building at its heart above the actual spring encases a log cabin which replicates the one in which, in February 1818 the USA's greatest President was born.

Abraham Lincoln epitomizes the "American Dream", the idea that a boy or girl from humble and very ordinary beginnings, can rise to the very head of a nation. Thinking about it carefully, I am forced to the conclusion that he is the ONLY man ever to have done so. I cannot think of any other US President whose origins so clearly lie with the working classes. Honest Abe was certainly a remarkable man - all the ore so because so much of his education fell within the definition of "self-study." He rose from the soil of a small and probably hard to work, farmstead, to become a successful lawyer and the nations orator, conscience and leader. He left an astonishing legacy, yet managed to remain incredibly modest abut his achievements.

Driving through Danville, Springfield and Lancaster we finally found ourselves in Berea - and booked into the Boone House Hotel - also known as the Boone Tavern. Now, having had a superb dinner, it's time for bed.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 22, 2008

Exploring Kentucky

The Symposium being over Mausi and I are exploring. Today we travelled from Cincinnati to Louisville, Kentucky. This city stands on the banks of the Ohio River at a point known as the Ohio Falls, a series of rapids which once inhibited navigation. At some point a canal was created bypassing the rapids which are now controlled by a weir across the river, making it safer to navigate this stretch of the river

Louisville is named after King Louis XVI of France (Yup, the same one that got the chop at the guillotine in 1793) in recognition of the assistance France was giving to the rebellion in the American Colonies. No doubt the French also had an eye to the main chance - taking over these colonies themselves. Unfortunately for their plans, the French Revolution dealt that a fatal blow! Today the city is home to the Kentucky Derby, a range of museums and the last surviving Mississippi steam powered stern wheeler, the preserved "Belle of Louisville". Built in 1914 as a ferry and "packet boat" for service on the Mississippi as the "Idlewild" she still has her original horizontal sliding compound engines which were built in Scotland. She came to Port of Louisville in 1968 in need of major repair and a lot of restoration and, thanks to the dedication of some of Louisville's citizens she is with us still. I will post some pictures and more details when I have a chance to do so.

The city itself is rather pretty and clean. There is certainly plenty to see and do here and tomorrow's plan is to visit a museum that took my fancy and then head out of town on a round-about- route towards Richmond, hopefully calling in at the town which saw the birth of Abraham Lincoln. Even from the Interstate Highway, the countryside is beautiful, so leaving the Interstate and travelling the back roads should be very interesting.

Piccies to follow!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:17 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 16, 2008

Cincinnatti in my future

At least in the immediate future as I travel to join Mausi and we both head for a conference at which we are speakers. We will be at the Conference from Sunday until Thursday morning, then visiting and exploring a bit of the country around there before returning to our respective homes the following Tuesday. As we both have WiFi enabled laptops (Or in my case a sparkly new MacBook!) we should be able to keep the blog up to date with our adventures. We'll be at the Kingsgate Conference Hotel during our stay in Ohio and will find places as we explore once we leave there.

More worrying is the fact that Mausi's house was struck by lightning yesterday evening. So, at the moment, she has no internet, no phone and a couple of sick appliances - but fortunately no serious damage to deal with. No doubt we will get more on this one later, when she is able to get her fur to lie down again!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 15, 2008

Converting to a Mac ....

No I am NOT wearing a kilt, Irish or Scottish even though I am legitimately entitled to wear both. I am converting to an Apple Mac i-Book. My Trusty (mostly) laptop has a serious problem which I am unable to resolve easily and I need a laptop for my trip to Cincinnatti. For some time I have been considering upgrading the laptop anyway - its been around the world with me figuratively speaking in the seven years I have relied on it - but, it was a first generation Windows XP. Recently it suffered an attack by a virus - several in fact - which have managed to infest it, my camera, and my memory sticks and portable drives. Microslosh is just too vulnerable and Norton obviously hadn't got defences against these at the time. Though it is now virus free it isn't functioning properly, loads of things simply don't want to run. In addition, despite all the recommended upgrades, it is now running so S-L-O-W-L-Y that it is almost a case of half an hour to load the start-up, never mind actually do what is required of it!

Ozguru has many times laughed at me for relying on Microslosh and Windblows, so now I guess he'll be laughing even more - but I have finally taken his advice!

I have taken delivery of a MacBook - and, because I can't afford to chuck the PC Desktop, or bin all my Microslosh files just yet, I have bought a package of "Wndblows for Mac". Its crazy I suppose to buy a Mac and then install Windblows programmes, but what else could I do - I have almost 15,000 Word Document files I need to be able to keep and access. Already I have found I have a steep learning curve, but, one thing I have discovered - I wish I'd done this years ago.

Watch this space - the Mac is proving to be a challenge, but it is also much easier to figure out than I had thought it would be. Typing with one hand while reading the manual is a bit of a problem, but I'm getting there .....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 09:30 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

May 13, 2008

Dandelion Time

It's Dandelion Time in the village where Mausi lives. The colours at this time of the year are always striking because the summer dust has not yet settled on them.

Dandelions in profusion

Once the fields start to get green again in early May overnight the dandelions appear and turn the fields into lakes of yellow. Obviously the dandelions grow much faster than the grass which makes them clearly visible at this time of the year. Mausi loves this sight, especially when there's a clear blue sky above. If only the dandelions wouldn't try to invade the lawn in her garden all the time. However much they are discouraged from doing so they always come back. Sigh...

Even the foals from last year seem to enjoy the yellow stuff

Posted by Mausi at 07:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 02, 2008

Himmelfahrt

What? And yes, there is an "h" in it.

Yesterday was Ascension Day, a public holiday all over Europe, but not in Socialist "multi-faith/atheist" Britain. We finished the day at the Abbey with a glorious Sung Mass and a congregation of roughly eighty people. Others may have celebrated it in their own way - but perhaps not Labour's foot soldiers who have taken a pounding in the polls.

The Ascension is a very important event in the Christian understanding of Christ and of how God has worked out our future. And I am not talking about global warming or any material considerations of this earth, but of those which will hit us in the next life. It must have been a fascinating event to witness - a devastating one too for they had only just got used to His being among them again. But it pressages greater things to come for all of us.

The moment of the Ascension has been depicted in many different ways by different artists over the years but perhaps the most striking I have seen is on the dome of a baroque church in Germany. A pair of bare feet protrude from the base of a cloud at the centre of the dome while onlookers peer upward on either side. Das "Himmefahrt" captured exactly as described in the Acts of the Apostles - but, sadly, my schoolboy humour places a different interpretation on it. It's no good - and there is an "h" in "fahrt". And it means "journey".

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 30, 2008

Interesting .....

Found this quiz browsing One Happy Dog Speaks ....

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Interestingly it does tie in with my personality profiling ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 22, 2008

Going North

Mausi is going north to Hamburg on a business trip today. She'll be away until Friday and most likely will not have Internet access at all. So there will be no post tomorrow. But the Monk will return home at last on Thursday and will resume blogging then. So keep watching this place.

Posted by Mausi at 06:26 PM | TrackBack

April 21, 2008

The Monk is still in Teheran...

Mausi had one of those days in the office which are filled with countless small things that need looking into, keep one busy effectively all the time but by the end of the day one can't help feeling one doesn't have achieved much. In short, one of those days that are best forgotten as soon as possible.

The bright spot of today, however, was a brief conversation with the Monk. He still finds Teheran a fascinating place but is very much looking forward to returning home on Thursday. The traffic is still scaring the life out of him and he is utterly convinced that an army of guardian angels is working overtime for him and the driver that takes him to the training grounds and back again in the evening. Today he finally managed to have a closer look at the magnificent mosque which is near his flat. He says the architecture is magnificent, even more so when seen from inside. He was able to take some good photographs which will hopefully start appearing on the blog by the end of this week.

The Monk is very much taken with the Iranian people. He says they are very polite, overwhelmingly hospitable and completely different from the impression that is given of them in the western media. It'll be interesting what he'll have to tell about his personal impressions when he's back.

Posted by Mausi at 06:32 PM | TrackBack

April 19, 2008

Tehran traffic

As I have previously commented Tehran traffic works - but I'm unsure how. So far I have been involved in a brush with a motor cycle (It came through a gap in the armco on the "expressway" - fortunately just as we started forward again.) and rear end shunt - again no damage - and this morning a race with a juggernaut.

One of the problems is that there seems to be no concept of "lane keeping". People turn right from the inner lane, swinging across moving traffic by dint of simply turning across someones bow and hoping they will stop and give way. The same applies to turning left - simply cut across from whatever lane you are in. Three lanes? Forget it, theres room for five abreast. Traffic circles are a case of Formula One - whoever gets into the intersection first just keeps going, accelerating if necessary to cut across any traffic approaching from the left. The other problem is the concept of giving way to anyone or anything. Intersections are nightmare country as you simply aim for any gap in the cross traffic and force your way across. Pedestrians have a strong Kamikaze streak and simply wade out into the traffic stream weaving and dodging their way between cars, buses, trucks and juggernauts.

Watching the flow I am strongly reminded of a column in the Saturday Evening Post of the 1950's entitled "Mein Grossvater's Fabletellen". It contained a couple of "definitions" in Pidgin German which exactly fit the traffic here. One you have seen here already - but it remains appropriate!

Motorist: Ein Honkentootenscreechenraumfer

Pedestrian: Ein Honkentootenscreechenraumferleapendodger.

So far I have managed to modify the passenger footwell only slightly. The impression of my Right foot in the metal of the floor pan will, I think, remain until the car is scrapped.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:43 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 18, 2008

It's been a long, long day ...

Mausi had the opportunity to talk to the Gray Monk briefly this morning. He's alright and things are going according to plan - more or less - in Teheran. After having had to work non-stop for two weeks he was finally allowed to take a day off today. No sightseeing in store for him, though, he had to do preparations for next week. Mausi was granted half a day off today and left the office at noon. She went to see her mother this afternoon and has just returned home full of good food from a superb Italian restaurant near her mother's place. Now all she wants is her bed and a nice, long sleep.....

Posted by Mausi at 08:23 PM | TrackBack

April 17, 2008

Forms!

Mausi's had one of those days today. Mausi works for the Civil Service and one of the things that really defeat her is filling in forms. It was bad enough when it had to be done by hand or typewriter but doing it by computer is even worse. Mausi has to go to Hamburg on business next week and she needed a one-way railway ticket for the trip because she will travel on to another destination by car. All she had to do was fill in a form in MS WORD on her computer. Once the form is filled in you can click a "SEND" button and the whole thing is submitted by email to the Travel Management People who will obtain an online-ticket for you.

Only, when Mausi clicked the "SEND" button WORD flashed a message saying that the form had not been filled in correctly. Of course, Mausi hadn't provided any information for her return back to Wiesbaden and that stupid form was taking exception to it. After a frantic search for a telephone number of the Travel Management people because you never find the really important numbers in the telephone directory easily Mausi had the following conversation:

Mausi: "Good morning. I want to go to Hamburg next week by train but I only need a one-way ticket to Hamburg."
TM: "Then simply order a one-way ticket."
Mausi: (Grrrr!) "I've tried to but the order form doesn't let me do that because I haven't filled in anything for the retun."
TM: "Try to fill in "none" for the return trip. If that doesn't work either you'll have to contact the respective preople in your own company because we didn't design this order form - they did."

Mausi felt ripe for murder. She knows exactly who designed that form, he's quite famous for consumer unfriendly designs. Needless to say that filling something like "none" into the empty spaces of the form didn't work either. In the end Mausi just saved the form and attached the file to an ordinary email to the TM people. That finally worked. But the time ones spends with these tools that are supposed to make things easier for you is just unbelievable.

The rest of the day went well but ended with Mausi having to pay a ransom for her car which had spend two days in the garage for a regular check-up. Sigh....

Posted by Mausi at 10:09 AM | TrackBack

April 14, 2008

Dog and Pigs

It is sometimes very interesting to see what animals will become friends. Take for example the Terrier mix called Kimba of Mausi's sister. She usually loves to hunt everything that's small and furry but somehow she has learnt that the family's guinea pigs are members of the pack and must be guarded instead of hunted.

The guinea pigs couldn't wish for a better guardian than Kimba, the dog

Kimba is very funny with the guinea pigs. She loves to mother them and groom them. Sometimes she gets carried away and a pig will squeal in protest, apparently afraid she will lick off all the fur. But on the whole she is excellent in looking after her little friends.

Three youngsters, only a few days old - the latest addition to the pack

Mausi's sister was given her first guinea pig when she was about ten years old. It was quite an old animal given to her by a former neighbour. Sadly, it soon died. Apparently the shock of being transferred to new surroundings and people was too much for it. Then Flocki came into our life. A young guinea pig, three coloured fur, one ear white the other brown and full of mischief. Guinea pigs are very communicative animals and love to live in groups. As Flocki was the only pig in the family he became very close to Mausi's sister and would talk to her for hours on end. It was astonishing how well he could express his feelings. Whenever he was in a miff with us for some reason he would pointedly turn his back to us, refuse to talk to us at all and would move about only in little jumps. On the other hand he would run to us when we whistled for him, like a little dogs.

But the happiest time for Flocki came when Mausi borrowed Friederike, another guinea pig, from a school mate and Flocki suddenly was a father of three. They were born in summer and used to go for a walk across the terrace in the evenings when it was a bit cooler. First came Friederike, almost twice Flocki's size, then the three kids and last Flocki, proudest of fathers. Pity, the kids grew up quickly, Friederike had to go home again and our parents wouldn't hear of starting breeding guinea pigs ourselves. Parents, you know, real spoilsports, sometimes...

Posted by Mausi at 06:04 PM | TrackBack

April 13, 2008

Cats and Laser Pointers

They go together well - did you know? Mausi, the Human, discovered this during her recent visit to England when she was invited to a place where the owners kept a small laser pointer in a little bag that was fastened to the armrest of a sofa. As soon as someone accidentally touched that bag the two black cats of the house appeared as quick as lightning apparently from nowhere and sat down expectantly in front of the sofa. And then the fun started - the cats untiringly chased the red dot through the whole room. It's addictive, and not just for the cats!

The funny thing is that every cat regardless of age and former experience will chase that red dot whereas dogs can only be trained to do that as young pups. Anyways, soon as she was back, Mausi the Human was determined to have a go at Mausi the Cat. And it worked like magic right from the start. Mausi the Cat loves chasing the red dot through the house. It's very funny to watch her. After two days she had figured out that the dot is connected to a small device that lives in the pocket of one of Mausi the Human's cardigans. When Mausi the Human comes home from work and changes into more comfy clothes Mausi the Cat already sits expectantly next to the cardigan patiently waiting for the device to be taken out and the dot to appear. Sometimes she also walks through the house checking all the places where she has seen it appear even looking underneath chairs and furniture. Very funny to watch the frown the on her forehead when she can't spot anything.

This morning Mausi the Cat chased the red dot onto the bed where she usually goes to sleeps off last night's adventures for the better part of the day. The red dot first vanished underneath her cushion. Mausi patiently turned the cushion over - no dot. There, suddenly it reappeared again and Mausi pounced on it and was sure she had squashed it this time. But when she very carefully lifted her paws and looked underneath it wasn't there. Mausi the Human had turned the laser pointer off again. A bit cheeky, yes, but both Mausis enjoy the laser pointer game twice a day.

Posted by Mausi at 11:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 10, 2008

Teheran Adventures

The Monk is certainly having an interesting time in Teheran. Today he was even welcomed by an Imam who assured him that Christians are welcome in Iran. The Monk, however hasn't seen many churches yet. On the other hand he didn't have the time to do much sightseeing either. The Monk and his colleague are staying in a flat in the north of Teheran and have to commute to the south of the city each day to work at the training grounds. The traffic is apparently appalling, lanes are for guidance only, the Monk says, although not as bad as Manila. Well, he's the expert. Living nearer to the training grounds is not an option as the accommodation offered them there is obviously less than basic.

The weather in Teheran is fine, around 30 Centigrades, clear and sunny, although the mountains north of Teheran wear snow caps. Must be quite a view. The Monk finds the Iranian people are friendly and helpful, proud but fun loving and with a certain sense of humour. And he likes the food. Although, he's not very partial to lamb normally, he likes the way it is cooked and served in Teheran.

And the course is going well so far. The students are happy at least. There are drawbacks, however. Today, for example, furniture was delivered which will be burnt in a practical exercise for the students. Only, the furniture turned out to be non-combustible... Mausi's sure the Monk will be able to think of a way around this problem ... Eventually ...

Posted by Mausi at 07:27 PM | TrackBack

April 08, 2008

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Lodza Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

With thanks to my brother who forwarded this to me - I had often wondered.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:07 AM | TrackBack

April 07, 2008

Global warming - my paw!

The humans around me talk a lot about global warming these days. I don't know why. Take yesterday, for example. It was Sunday, April 6. I mean, one could expect a bit of sunshine in April. After all it wasn't too bad on Saturday. Not brilliant sunshine all the time, but sometimes at least.

During the last two days the forsythia had burst into blossom and that's always a sign spring is near. But this morning I was suddenly caught in a blizzard while outside for my morning prowl. When the sun was covered in snow and the forsythia didn't look very happy any more.

Just to humour my humans I let myself be talked into a game of chasing snowballs this afternoon. But not for long! I do hate cold paws and a wet belly - eeeke! Can't wait for spring taking over and myself taking long baths in the sunshine. And The Monk says it's warm and dry in Teheran. Sigh....

Posted by Mausi at 06:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 06, 2008

How much accuracy is needed?

Mausi sometimes wonder how civilisations could survive prior to the invention of pocket calculators and computers. It is amazing how quickly people seem to loose the feeling for figures and numbers once they have enslaved themselves to electronic calculators. All of us are familiar with the blank stare we sometimes get from the cashier in the supermarket when the cash machine fails for some reason and he or she has to calculate the change in her head.

Mausi is a member of the generation who finished school before pocket calculators were for sale to ordinary people. She and her classmates had to use logarithm tables or slide rules instead. Quite a good exercise because when dealing with very large or very small numbers one usually did a rough calculation first to determine the magnitude of the result. When the exact number was finally calculated one would automatically do a plausibility check against the rough estimate. A few years later this approach had completely gone out of fashion. As a student Mausi used to coach pupils through their school exams in mathematics and noticed that they only knew the order in which to push certain buttons on their calculators. Any feeling for orders of magnitudes or the need to check the result for plausibility, as it is quite easy to get a comma in the wrong place on a pocket calculator, had completely vanished, at least among those who needed extra coaching.

Today there is rather too much emphasis put on numbers themselves. Very often integers would suffice instead of adding decimals to it. If I knew I had to drive 50 km to some destination that would be an accurate enough number to let one calculate my travel time, one would not have to know that the "exact" distance is 50.367 km. Mausi rather likes the approach the Aztecs took to for example calculate the area of their plots. That employed a few rules of thumb and some other very simple means.

The Acolhua tribe tried to keep their calculations as simple as possible. They had a basic unit which corresponds to 2.5 m, called "T" by modern scientists. These have also deciphered the signs for 1/2 T, 3/5 T and 1/5 T. Fractions of T had obviously been used when the length of a plot wasn't an exact multiple of T. Astonishingly, however, the plot areas in old documents are given only in integer multiples of T*T. How did the Acolhuas achieve this?

They started their calculations with integers in the first place. And they used some simple rules. A rectangular plot would be easy: Area = a*b, same as today. If the sides opposite each other weren't of the same length they would multiply mean values: Area = (a+c)/2 * (b+d)/2. Interestingsly, this last rule was also employed by European land surveyors. Plots were sometimes also divided into to triangles whose areas would then be added up: Area = a*b/2 + c*d/2.

In a geometrical sense the calculations performed by the Acolhuas were not as accurate as we like to do them nowadays. Still, they obviously served the purpose. Mausi wishes, we modern people would again develop our feeling for figures and numbers again and be able to do rought estimates instead of slavishly believing the results of our pocket calculators which can be rather wide off the mark. Mausi also thinks it would make maths at school a lot more fun than it is nowadays.

Posted by Mausi at 02:51 PM | TrackBack

April 04, 2008

Arrived!

For all of you who wonder - the Monk and his colleague have arrived safe and sound in Teheran. Together with their luggage, too! They have been given a flat to stay in the first couple of days. Attempts at falling asleep very early this morning were thwarted by demolition work going on in the house next to it. Let's hope this will change soon and they'll have a chance to catch up on their jet lag.

Posted by Mausi at 02:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 03, 2008

Journey to the East

Today the Monk sets off on a journey to the land of the Magi. The land conquered by Alexander the Great, but not by the waters of Babylon. That's right, I am heading further East, to Teheran, the capital of Iran, once known as Persia and ruled by the Shah an Shah, or King of Kings.

I am going there to teach fire investigation to the Teheran Fire Service, quite a task I should think, but one which I will share with a colleague. Our flight arrives in Teheran at 03.15 tomorrow morning and we start teaching on Sunday morning at 08.00 by which time I hope we will have caught up on some sleep. Hopefully too, we will find everything we need has been provided as promised - always a bonus, but, being old troopers at this sort of thing, we have a contingency plan if it hasn't.

While this would probably not be my number one holiday destination, I will confess that I am looking forward to some promised sightseeing. This is, after all, one of the cradles of civilisation and I can honestly say that some of the indigenous architecture is stunning. Teheran itself is a new/old city, but I am told that there is a great deal of interest to see. Watch this space, I shall do my best to avoid the Republican Guard and to return with some pictures to post!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 01, 2008

April Fool

The tradition of All Fool's Day is an ancient one. The trick is to catch others before they catch you, but you must do it before Noon. It was once the day on which Jester's and "Fools", the medieval entertainers were allowed to take a few liberties with their Masters and his household, no doubt giving them the opportunity to repay any unkindnesses they had suffered, but equally, this would have to be subtle or it was likely to evince some punishment.

I am looking forward to the BBC Newsrooms usual spoof joke. It never fails to amaze me how many of the viewing/listening public are taken in year on year by them. As I have a day's work as well, I shall have to wait and see!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 30, 2008

The joy of motoring ....

Having taken Mausi to Birmingham airport last night for her flight home to Germany, I hopped back into the trusty car and set off home, expecting the usual fifty minute run. Just passing Junction 5 on the M42 I got a strong sense of deja vu - the information signs were lit up with the message "M42 J3 to J4 closed." Oh joy!

For those who don't know, the M42 connects the M5 - the route I must take too and from Birmingham - to the M40 and the M6, skirting around the city of Birmingham and its satellites. The M5 Junction is - you guessed it - Junction 1. With the stretch between Junctions 3 and 2 closed, you have several options, none of them particularly good, unless you are a Brummie and know the southern end of the city well. Now, I do use a GPS, but, unfortunately, it has a rooted objection to rerouting itself - especially through a city like Birmingham. The other option is to come off the motorway at Junction 3A for the M40 bound for Warwick and then try to find your way to Henley in Arden in order to find the A435 and then the A422 so you can cut back across to Worcester and pick up the M5 that way. And all the while the GPS is trying to get you to turn around and go back to the closed M42 ......

I still don't know what the problem was on the M42, it was probably a bad accident since it was raining cats and dogs and the wind was pushing things around as well. I can tell you that the Henley in Arden route was pretty full of people trying to find a way round the blockage as I was. I was struck once more by the thought that there seem to be an awful lot of people who don't seem able to drive safely or comfortably in these weather conditions - but who always seem to find it essential that they do. To frustrate the rest of us no doubt.

All went well however, and I arrived home safely, a little later than planned. The most noticeable thing is how empty the house feels now that it is just me and Madam Paddy Cat again.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 29, 2008

End of Holiday

All good things must come to an end sometime and in this case it's Mausi's holiday. She'll board a plane back to Germany this evening. As always she has deeply enjoyed all the time spent at the Abbey during Holy Week, Easter and on other occasions. Yesterday afternoon, for example, the Abbey had visitors from the Central Memorial High School in Calgary, Canada. Three busloads of young musicians who gave a Luchtime Recital which was a very interesting performance. The first pieces were played by the Symphonic Band, followed by the Concert Choir. The Abbey with its acoustic properties is of course a splendid place for musical presentations.

After the concert the Monk gave the musicians a short tour of the Abbey. Mausi thinks they were quite impressed. One of the teachers said "We don't have things that old in Canada". We Europeans who are surrounded by relics of history all around often forget what it must be to live in a country where the oldest stone buildings are only between 200 and 300 hundred years old. An Abbey that has stood there for 900 years must have been something special to the young Canadians indeed. They had been on a concert tour through the UK for 14 days. Tewkesbury was their last stop before going home today. They have certainly seen a lot of buildings like the Abbey and Mausi hopes they have enjoyed the tour and come away with a lot of new and different impressions of the "old world".

Well, Mausi had better get her things sorted out and packed up now. Fortunately, she'll be able to fly from Birmingham and will not have Heathrow T5!

Posted by Mausi at 12:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 25, 2008

One of those days ...

Today has just been one of those days. The Monk and Mausi had a slow start this morning having had to sleep off yesterday's repast. They had been invited to dinner at some of the Monk's friends and it had been an excellent dinner - steak! And done just to Mausi's liking. The meat still red but without blood oozing out of it.

Having redecorated one of the rooms in the Monk's flat during last week between Holy Week services which involved the hanging of wallpaper and the laying of a laminate floor the Monk and Mausi decided to go to into the next town and look for some new curtains that would match the new wallpaper. They found just the right thing in the second shop, only to discover that they had forgotten to take the exact measurements of the window in question. As these were mandatory for the new curtain to be sewn from the fabric they had selected there was nothing they could do but return, measure the window and come back later.

So home they went, took the measurements, refreshed themselved with a cup of tea and went back into the curtain store. And had a nasty surprise! Would you believe it - their fabric sample was gone! A lady had borrowed it to take home with her and to see if it matched her room. That shop was full of fabric samples in all colours, couldn't she have chosen another one? If the Monk is lucky she will have returned it by Thursday or the shop will by then have obtained another sample from the manufacturer. So the Monk might still be able to place his order for the curtains before he goes abroad on another business trip for the next three weeks. And they will be ready for him on his return.

At least the Monk was able to buy a new white net curtain for the window which looks rather nice, Mausi thinks. Mausi could kick herself that she didn't think of measuring the window before they went out for the first time that day. But then - there are days when you just can't win ...

Posted by Mausi at 07:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 24, 2008

Who's normal?

You Are Fairly Normal

You scored 55% normal on this quiz Like most people you are normal in some ways... But you aren't a completely normal person. You're a little weird too! Why You Are Normal: You rather be screwed over than screw someone else over You prefer the sun to the moon You think glasses can make someone more attractive You would rather be an astronaut than a movie star You think fishnet stockings are trashy Why You Aren't Normal: You find the Chicken Dance to be the more embarrassing dance You don't keep up with your horoscope You know a little about many subjects You'd rather have cockroaches than rats in your home You prefer non fiction to fiction

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:43 PM | TrackBack

March 22, 2008

Decorating ....

Mausi and I have been decorating one of the rooms in my domus as I mentioned the other day. After a disaster with one of the wall papers we had selected, we exchanged it for a better one and have now got a beautifully decorated room. Now to lay the laminated flooring. That is today's task. The only problem is that my son arrived late last night and is still asleep in the living room - on the couch and surrounded by the stuff taken out of the spare room. And we still have to get the last three items of furniture out of the room into which the floor must now go....

At least the wallpapering is done - mostly thanks to Mausi - and is looking good. Mausi is meticulous in these things and the Monk is not. He hates wallpapering and only went with it because to paint these walls would have required considerably more work and preparation. Difficult to believe how many holes it has - or how many have been filled and then remade at some time. Wall paper certainly hides a lot of sins! Once the floor is done and before I put the skirting back, I have some plugs to install a long a tricky task if it is to meet the Quality Control imposed by Mausi!

And some people do this for fun?

Posted by The Gray Monk at 09:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 14, 2008

Running late ...

Sorry folks, had an idea for a post today, but ran out of time to compose it. Just back from London and the frustrating experience of trying to get a visa (I succeeded) to go and earn some money on a job in a country run by Ayatollahs, and now have to head off to Birmingham to fetch Mausi who is due in from Frankfurt for a short break over Easter.

Oh, and MuNu has been attacked by the Spambots again. I have just cleared over a hundred spam comments. After a rest for the last four months from this plague it is depressing to have them attack again. It might be more interesting if the comment wasn't so damned repeptitive - "Sh**t is happened Forrest Gump" Obviously some damned idiot with nothing better to do with his hands ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:30 PM | TrackBack

March 08, 2008

Promotion

Recently I applied, as one can, to the professional Institution of which I have been a corporate member since I passed the Member examination in 1981, to upgrade my membership to the next level. There are two ways you can become a Fellow of the Institution, one is by election and is usually as a result of outstanding achievement or services to the Institution, the other is by application and assessment of your portfolio since attaining the highest examination grade.

I have now received confirmation that my application has been successful and I am now elected to Fellow of the Institution.

I am delighted with this outcome since, having been a member of the Institution since I began my fire and rescue service career and have served in a variety of capacities at branch and regional level over the years. It is nice to be recognised in this way even if it is right at the end of my career. At least I won't have the Spell Checker trying to tell me that one of my Post Nominals should be "Mafia" any longer. The new one beginning with "F" should give it a new challenge however!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 03:59 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

February 26, 2008

Berlin revisited

Some days ago Mausi had to go to Berlin again on business. This time it promised to be fun as Mausi was allowed to go by plane instead of the usual tedious journey by train. The only drawback was that Mausi had to get up at 4.30 in the morning to reach the airport in time. 4.30 a.m. is definitely not Mausi's time of the day.

At the airport Mausi showed a printout of her electronic ticket a member of the Lufthansa personnel and was directed to one of those check-in machines. Mausi doesn't like them much, one never knows what mischief they are up to next. And indeed - Mausi entered her name and booking code and the machine offered to print her boarding card next. Only it didn't, it printed a receipt and the plainly refused to print the boarding card due to technical problems. Mausi was ready to faint. In the end she was saved by a very competent and friendly young Lufthansa lady who effortlessly dealt with the complaints of three passengers at the same time and managed to get Mausi's boarding card out of another machine. Mausi hastened to the gate.

As soon as boarding was completed the captain welcomed the passengers and concluded his little speech with the words: "As usual we are missing one passenger. For security reasons we have to unload all baggage ...." Great! However, at this time in the morning passengers are mostly business people who don't carry big suitcases with them. So after all the plane left almost on time.

In Berlin Mausi was met by her boss and his driver. The boss was dropped off at the Ministry of Interior and Mausi was driven to the Bundeskanzleramt, where she was to give a presentation that morning. It is situated in a bend of the river Spree. A very beautiful spot.

The Bundeskanzleramt, which includes Angela Merkel's offices

Mausi was lucky to get inside. That morning President Ehud Olmert form Israel was expected and security was already tight. When he finally arrived, the Bundeskanzleramt was sealed off and not even Mausi's boss could get in. He was late for the meeting and not amused. Mausi's presentation went well and early in the afternoon she found herself in a cold and foggy Berlin with a couple of hours to spend as she liked. After a bit of lunch Mausi decided to take the Underground and to go the Sony Centre which she hadn't seen before.

Roof structure of the Sony Centre

The Sony Centre is a shopping mall, with the shops built around an atrium. Lots of events are taking place in the atrium space and the roof structure is a real eyecatcher. Mausi did some window shopping and then went outside to find herself standing eye to eye to a Lego giraffe.

Mausi just wished she had had enough Lego pieces as kid to build something like that

Slowly the fog was getting through all layers of Mausi's clothing. She warmed herself up with a cup of delicious cappuchino before setting out for the airport again. This time the plane was an hour late. It had been to Paris before flying to Berlin and guess what: the French air traffic controllers had been on strike again causing Mausi's plane to depart late.

Mausi arrived home again at 21.00 hours. It had been a long day. Berlin is interesting in small doses but much too big for Mausi's liking. One does feel a bit lost there.

Posted by Mausi at 08:50 PM | TrackBack

January 30, 2008

Superpowers?

OK, so I still can't resist this sort of geeky test ....

Your Superpower Should Be Mind Reading

You are brilliant, insightful, and intuitive. You understand people better than they would like to be understood. Highly sensitive, you are good at putting together seemingly irrelevant details. You figure out what's going on before anyone knows that anything is going on! Why you would be a good superhero: You don't care what people think, and you'd do whatever needed to be done Your biggest problem as a superhero: Feeling even more isolated than you do now

Posted by The Gray Monk at 09:06 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 24, 2008

A Hellish question answered ...

OK, so this isn't original, but it is rather funny - and a wonderful demonstration of an understanding of the Laws of Physics .....

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 10:38 AM | TrackBack

January 20, 2008

Darwin Awards

The Gorse Fox has beaten me to it. He has posted the Darwin Awards for the year just past - and the winner is an American man who had a passion for alcoholic enemas. Surprisingly the tissues in the rectal area are extremely absorbant - so if you have to apply medication and can't take it orally or intravenously, the back passage is the best alternative. Administering an enema of neat sherry - 3 litres of it - almost guarantees instant oblivion.

Unsurprisingly he passed out fairly quickly, then, as the alcohol content continued to be absorbed, essentially pickled himself completely. I should think he is now a fairly well preserved corpse. His blood alcohol was, according to the coroner, of an order that was not only lethal, but quite possibly flammable. The Gorse Fox puts it all rather well.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:09 PM | TrackBack

January 17, 2008

Jewish wisdom ...

My brother received this from a friend in Israel. He passed it on and now I'd like to share it with everyone else.

Found these best wishes for 2008 and wanted to share it with you:

May your health be obvious (and need no discussion)
May your family relations be warm
May your friends be loyal
May your enemies become your friends (and those who don't, get lost)
May your spam be filtered
May your e-mails be answered
May your wisdom deserve the approval of Confucius,
and your folly the praise of Erasmus
May your power get shared,
your wealth be free from greed
and your poverty from envy
May we communicate fruitfully across cultures
so that our horizons widen
and reason replaces violence.

Worth considering - especially the last three lines ...

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:49 PM | TrackBack

January 12, 2008

The great journey ....

Yesterday was a busy day. I had no time to blog before I started out to do a small (As I thought!) job. In the event, it took a lot longer, but at least it was done and done properly. Wet, cold and now a bit pushed, I jumped back into the trusty means of mobiliation over long and sometimes unusual routes - and set off for Swindon.

An hour driving in appalling rain and wind conditions and I arrived at the door of my next appointment. Thankfully they provided soup and bread for sustenance and a mug of tea! Little did I realise it would be the last food to pass my lips until this morning! Our meeting went well, and we even managed to tie up some loose ends, find some missing information and settle a strategy. Not bad as meetings go.

Then came the drive home. Now Swindon is an easy run to and from the Monk's Domus. Forty five minutes without breaking any speed limits. Straight up the A419, join the A417 at Cirnecester, down Crickley Hill, onto the M5 and home. Easy. No. Not last night! The A419 wasn't busy and progress was good as far as Cirencester, but aboiut five miles before that important junction (Important because if you are going to try an alternative route - that is the last chance saloon!) it began to snow. Not the light fluffy stuff skiers love, but the heavy wet stuff we normally get. The stuff that clogs everything and turns rapidly to slush - and then ice! My GPS said I was exactly five point six miles from Nettleton Roundabout when I hit a tailback of traffic. At four point eight miles it came to a standstill.

Now I have to say that the local radio station did its best. Regular traffic bulletins, regular updates on which roads to avoid - but if you were one of those stuck on one of the troubled roads it would have been more useful to be told how to get off it and onto an alternate route that was reasonably passable. Not helpful was the police telling us at ten minute intervals to "stay at home and don't venture out"! Not an option if you are already out!

I will draw a veil over the next few hours except to say that, with no way to turn back, no way to leave the dual carriageway and no information on what lay ahead, we inched forward. Progress measured not in Miles per Hour, but in Yards. At a place called Duntisborne Abbots an elderly lady suddenly appeared at my window, clearly distressed, her battery had gone flat and she was now blocking one carriageway. I managed to swing my car round hers and used my jumper leads with the help of a passing fire fighter - also stranded - to restart her, and we commenced the inching forward again. At intervals the progress was delayed, or made more hazardous by the abandoned cars of others who had obviously flattened their batteries doing as the old lady had done - switching off and then on again every few minutes to conserve fuel. Good plan, except that it takes a twenty minute run to put back each start into the battery. That four point eight miles took from roughly 18.45 to 01.00. Nor was the agony over yet. Nettleton is an infamous dip in the road and it is single carriageway. It was also a sheet of ice and slush. It took another hour and a half to inch our way down it and then up the otherside. It was at the top of that hill that we again came to a standstill, and the water in my tyre treds froze. When I tried to move again, the wheels just spun idly on the ice and the rear tyres stayed exactly where they were. A bit of violent movement of the steering broke the grip and I was inching forward again.

I arrived at the top of Crickley Hill at 02.40 and then inched down it again to the wet, but ice free surface of the valley below. From there on it was plain sailing - except for the flooding along parts of the A38 - so I took the Motorway and was home by 03.05. I was hungry and tired, but exhaustion won. Bed!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 09:50 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 04, 2008

A walk in the Wald ...

I have just returned from a stimulating walk in the forest above the Hahns. The sun was bright, the snow lying between the trees crisp and covered by a film of ice - as was the path in many places. And guess who didn't have a camera with him as we followed the forest paths through the trees. This part of the Taunus is a patchwork of forest and fields, crisscrossed by bridle paths and footpaths and of course the access roads for the forestry vehicles.

Footprints, hoof prints and paw prints in the snow crust speak of a wide range of visitors, both human and animal, one set of enormous paw prints standing out as we walked. Closer inspection showed them to be dog and we identified them as a neighbours Pyrenean mountain dog. Sadly there are no bears or wolves in the wild in this part of Germany so we are fairly sure of our ground here. Anyone who has met a Pyrenean Mountain Dog will know that these amiable walking fur carpets are working dogs in their origins, but are now house pets for those who have a large enough home and the budget to feed one! If you haven't seen one, imagine a dog the size of a small Shetland pony ......

The walk took just over an hour and a half, now it is time to pack the suitcase, have some lunch and find my way back to Frankfurt for the flight back to the UK. All good things come to an end as they say, and no doubt Madam Paddy Cat will be waiting to scold me when I get in later tonight.

It has been a lovely break, with good friends and good food - and I've gained another kilogram in weight ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:15 PM | TrackBack

January 02, 2008

Rhine Ramblings

High above the town of Rüdesheim stands the enormous statue of Germania, guardian of the Rhine. The view across, up and down the river from her vantage point is stunning and I hope I will be able to download and share with you some of the pictures I have from there soon. The statue was erected in 1815 after the defeat of Napoleon and the ejection of the French from the Rhinelands and the Palatinate states between the Rhine and the French borders. It has to be said that we did not linger here today as the wind is from Siberia and the temperature, though a balmy -5 degrees Celsius, is made much sharper by the wind!

We next moved to the adjoining hillside and the Abbey of St Hildegard. Hildegard of Bingen, the town opposite Rüdesheim on the South bank of the Rhine, was a tenth century Christian noble woman who founded a monastic community on the North Bank of the Rhine in Eibingen. Her monastery, a community of nuns under the Rule of Benedict, did well and survived until the Republican French invasions of the late 18th Century. It was dissolved and destroyed in 1803 under the "secularisation" of church property. Refounded in 1904 it now has a community of eighty nuns who still live according to the rule set by Benedict over fourteen hundred years ago. The ethic of "work and prayer" is very much in evidence with the services of the hours still said daily.

Moving a little further up the valley and back up onto a hilltop, we came to Schloss Johannisberg, until recently the home of the last Prince von Metternich. He and his wife are buried just outside the attached Basilica of St John the Baptist. The estate was originally built as a summer residence by the Prince Bishop (Fürstbischof) of Fulda and is famous for its wines. It was here, by accident that the now famous and popular "Spätlese" wines were first created. According to the story a rider was sent with a bunch of grapes to the Bishop each year and, if he felt the vines were ready he ordered the harvesting of the grapes to begin. One year the rider was delayed returning with the order and when he arrived, the grapes had become slightly over ripe and a yeast had attacked them. The harvest went ahead and the wine turned into Spätlese!

The restaurant adjoining the Schloss provided a welcome bowl of soup - essential fare in this weather - and a rather fruity white wine to accompany it. Both delicious and worth a second visit at some time, though preferably on a warmer day when the spectacular views can be enjoyed without getting frost bitten. The Basilica is also well worth the visit, though it had to be restored after being raised in 1942 when bombs intended for Mainz fell on this side of the river instead. It has been lovingly restored and gives a really good example of what a Romanesque church of the tenth century would have been like. A nice touch is the statue of the monk holding open the gospel book for the day.

A quick walk around the outside was rewarding, again the views are stunning, but by now severe frost bite was beginning to penetrate even the multiple layers we had on - so it was back to the car and home!

Pictures to follow in due season!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 03:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 30, 2007

Opera - ah! Opera!

Mausi and the Monk attended the Opera in Darmstadt last night. The opera was Der Wildschütz (The Poacher) and the plot has enough twists in it to break a snake's back - but then, that is opera. The production was very good and the stage scenery was stunning. The set designer certainly didn't go with a minimalist approach.

The voices and characters were well chosen and the music, new to the Monk at least, was very good. Several things struck the Monk as he settled into one of the most comfortable theatre seats he has used in years, one was the audiences gathering around the orchestra pit as the orchestra tuned and warmed up, the other was the number of children and young people attending with obvious enjoyment and pleasure. The story is the usual mangle of human relations, cupidity, class clash and tangled love lives. The poacher is the School Master who has accidentally shot a "bear" on the local Ducal estate and is in danger of losing his job as a result. He is saved by the arrival of the Duke's long lost sister, a love lorn Baron and some devious machinations. And, just for a laugh, right at the end, it turns out he didn't shoot the bear after all. He managed to shoot his own donkey - which survived and is led on right at the end (A live one in this production) adorned by a huge sticking plaster on its rump.

A good romp and loads of fun very much embellished by some very good music and the company of Mausi.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:40 PM | TrackBack

December 26, 2007

Travels again

After the Christmas workload, the Monk is off this morning to visit Mausi in Germany for a well earned break. He is looking forward to ten days of quiet friendship, visits to some of the fabulous museums and even the theatre. Posting may become a little erratic, but no doubt Mausi will make sure he says something regularly.

New Year in Germany is a lot of fun, with fireworks and celebrations, which, from where Mausi lives well up a mountain, provides a panorama of bangs, whizzes and flashes for several hours.

That apart, the Monk always finds he can go home with his batteries fully recharged after a few days spent in the Rhein-Pfalz. Must be the air. Or maybe the wine? No, just the good company.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 06:53 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 24, 2007

News of the hilarious kind ...

Someone has put together a range of funny news stories for the year. These include a story about a US Department store whose Deli staff obviously got carried away with the marketing effort and labelled ham " Delicious for Hannukah". I doubt the really strict Orthodox Jewish community saw the funny side, although I am sure their less strict brethren may have. Certainly the red faces at the store must have been a good laugh.

One that shows the clash of cultures as Europe becomes one big happy family comes from Holland where Dutch anglers objected to Polish immigrants fishing their lakes - apparently the Dutch fishermen release the fish back into the lake. The Poles eat them. Definitely a culture clash there! But I reckon top prize has to be the Belgian entrepeneur who put his entire country up for auction on eBay. I suppose the real joke is that people actually bid for it - and eBay had to halt the auction and withdraw it after the Belgian government complained.

Running a close second in the "Ooops!" stakes has to be the Chinese story of officials restocking a river with truckloads of live carp - only to have the local populace assemble just downstream to catch the lot within hours. The joys of bureaucratic central planning and solutions ....

A separate news item drew my attention on the culture clash front. Apparently the Spanish have started a fightback against the invasion of their idea of Christmas by that upstart Santa Claus and his reindeer. It boils down to the fact that the Spanish traditionally give presents to children on Epiphany - not Christmas, but now the commercialisation of Christmas has seen the arrival of Santa and all that goes with that. So now a Spanish advertising agency has produced a probably very PC incorrect and possibly offensive ad showing the Three Kings as rap artists who ask "who the H*** are you?" and machine gun a jolly fat red suited figure in a dark alley. Well, I'm not sure I go along with that level of disapproval, but I think we sometimes lose the message in all the hype.

My favourite of the whacky news is the 100 year old German lady who finally agreed to move into an old age home. Only to move out again six weeks later saying the other residents were too old and boring. She has gone back to her own home and her cat. Now there's the way to go!

PARIS (AFP) - A selection of wild and wonderful news items from 2007:

(Advertisement)
- The CNN TV network had to apologise to US presidential hopeful Barack Obama after it confused his surname with the first name of the world's best-known terrorism suspect. A sequence on the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden carried the caption "Where's Obama?"

- An Australian bank was embarrassed when it emerged that it had issued a credit card to a cat. The owner of Messiah, a ginger tom, had put in the spoof application to test the bank's security system.

- A 100-year-old woman in Germany moved out of her retirement home after six weeks saying she found the other residents not only boring but also "too old". She returned home to her cat.

- Switzerland's army inadvertently invaded the tiny neighbouring state of Liechtenstein. A unit on manoeuvres got lost at dead of night, officials said.

- The Norwegian government abolished a regulation that had allowed strip-clubs to claim exemption from sales tax on the grounds that their performances were an art form.

- A British man claimed the dubious distinction of making the first ever mobile phone call from the summit of Mount Everest. "It's cold" were his first words.

- Fishery officials in China restocked a river with 13 truckloads of live carp, only to realise that thousands of residents from a nearby city had immediately swarmed to the banks a short way downstream and caught most of them.

- Transport officials in Australia try to discourage men from driving too fast with a series of TV ads featuring attractive woman suggesting that speeding males were trying to compensate for inadequate virility.

- A town in South Korea which spent some 140 million dollars to build its own airport was then forced to admit that no airlines actually wanted to fly there.

- The Chinese capital Beijing began a campaign to improve its signposting in English ahead of the 2008 Olympic Games. Among signs in need of correcting were ones for "Pubic Toilets," and "Deformed Men" -- the latter indicating facilities for the handicapped.

- A US man who ordered flowers for his mistress sued the florists after they sent a note to his home thanking him for his order -- thereby informing his wife of his infidelity.

- An African medicine man dived into a river in Tanzania after promising his fellow villagers that he would bring back revelations from ancestral spirits lurking underwater. He drowned.

- A child maths prodigy who started university in Hong Kong at age nine, said he found the courses too easy, and rather boring.

- A Belgian prankster reacted to a prolonged political crisis in his native land by putting the entire country up for sale on the Internet auction site eBay. The company halted the bidding.

- Dutch anglers were up in arms against immigrant workers from Poland, who also enjoy fishing in the many local lakes. The problem being that the Poles actually eat the fish they catch, whereas the Dutch believe in simply putting them back in the water.

- A posh food store in New York was embarrassed after an employee, who was clearly not Jewish, stuck a "Delicious for Hanukkah" sign on hams. Jews, for whom Hanukkah is a religious holiday, do not eat pork.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 02:56 PM | TrackBack

December 22, 2007

Winter Sunshine

During the last week The Monk was forever telling Mausi that it was cold and foggy where he lives in England. Not so up here on Mausi's mountain. It's been cold, yes, but it has also been a week of brilliant sunshine.

Last night's fog frozen on trees and shrubs

The only thing that is still missing is some snow. There's nothing like a white Christmas, Mausi thinks. Well, the snow still has three days to get here. Meanwhile the frozen fog is quite a good substitute. During the first winter Mausi spent up here it was extremely cold and foggy for about a week and loads of ice were accumulating on the trees. That was a breathtakingly beautiful sight although some trees suffered rather badly.

Well, Mausi just hopes this kind of weather continues over Christmas and Global Warming doesn't bring a spell of wet and warm air and turn the whole countryside into a muddy brown mess.

Posted by Mausi at 03:11 PM | TrackBack

December 10, 2007

Two cows - as the politicians see them ...

Sometimes the older jokes are still the best. This one has been around for quite a while, but it still hits the mark ...

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because you are sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINA CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. no-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers.
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:30 PM | TrackBack

December 08, 2007

Christmas Time Puzzle

Once there was a time when children were only given very small presents for Christmas like a handful of nuts, an apple and maybe a wooden toy carved by the father or grandfather. One day a neighbour brought a bag full of nuts to a family with 3 children. He said:

"Children, I am willing to give you all these nuts if you can tell me how many are in this bag. The eldest of you shall have half of them plus one, the second will get half of the remaining ones plus one and the third again half of the remaining ones plus three."

Can you help the children calculate the correct numbers of nuts in the bag?

P.S. This was an exercise presented to fourth graders at primary school.

Posted by Mausi at 08:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 05, 2007

Happy Birthday, Knut!

A year ago Knut took the headlines in German news media for weeks on end. It is difficult to find anything more cuddly than a new born polar bear who has been rejected by its mother in the Berlin Zoo and has to be hand raised by his keeper. A whole nation breathlessly watched Knut's antics as wriggling in and out of his hammock, trotting after his keeper and chasing his keeper's heels, trying to bite off the nose of the biggest stuffed teddy bear you'd ever seen, learning to swim and so forth. Once Knut was old enough to come out into his open enclosure people were queuing up for hours to get into the zoo.

Knut became immensely popular. Just after his birth there had been a heated debate among animal lovers if he should be raised by his keeper or if nature should be allowed to take its course and Knut be allowed to die. Had he been born in the Arctic instead of a zoo he wouldn't have survived with his mother rejecting him. But who could keep his hands off a small white fluffy something with big dark round eyes peering inquisitvely into the world around him. Before the argument about his right to live had ended his keeper was feeding him with a bottle and Knut was growing fast.

Today Knut had a big party. His keepers gave him a big cake made of vegetables, fruits and ice. Although Knut is not a cuddly little thing anymore, weighing now about 115 kg, he is as fascinating to people as ever. Thousands came to see him today and treat him to a "Happy Birthday Knut"-song.

Trust the politician to try and use the Knut mania for their own devices. Our Minister of the Environment became his "godfather" when Knut was a few days old. Today he gave Knut a special birthday gift, saying that the German Government saved the Artic Ice for the polar bears by deciding to reduce the carbon dioxide emissions by 40% until 2020. It waits to be seen how that will work out.

In the meantime - Happy Birthday, Knut!

Posted by Mausi at 06:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 04, 2007

Praise indeed ....

This morning I opened my copy of Navy News and discovered to my delight that they have reviewed "Out of Time" very favourably. In fact the comments about the people and the Fleet are, from this source, praise indeed. When they say that the - "author's dark blue take on starship fleets of the 23rd Century works well" - I take that to mean that they (professional seamen) found it believable. I think it is very complimentary when they add - "there is more than a hint of the 21st Century Navy present as the crew voyage through a hostile environment in their metal ship, just as 21st Century submariners do in their own HMS Vanguard, to which the starship bears a more than passing resemblance."

To say that I am delighted is to understate the case - especially as the Editor has this morning asked that they be given a review copy of the sequel as soon as it appears. He tells me that several of their people have read it and want to know when the next book will be out .....

Now THAT is praise indeed.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 09:39 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 01, 2007

Back to the grindstone ....

Just back from Poland and it seems quite strange to suddenly hear English being spoken everywhere. Now eight days worth of catching up to do - and some of it to be done before tomorrow morning. Ah well, I didn't really need to sleep tonight ....

One ray of sunshine, I have an e-mail from an agent who would like to explore representing me and my books. Only snag, they're based in New York. Still I guess I could splash across the pond to do business if necessary. I will explore and keep you posted.

Another thought - it's the 1st December and I haven't written a single Christmas card yet. I think some of you may be getting them very late this year ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:52 PM | TrackBack

November 28, 2007

Wanderings in Poznan....

Well, we have just returned to the hotel with enough time to change for dinner - a "formal" affair we are told, so that means "black tie" at least, although in Poland it could just mean a suit ...

The day has been spent visiting the Provincial Fire HQ, having a traditional Polish lunch which included some really excellent vodka (served cold) and then a visit to a brewery which concluded with a sampling of their wares ... Let's just say that Polish hospitality is great, but there is every chance you will end up overindulging on something and vodka chased by strongish lager probably isn't the best way to prepare for a formal dinner.

That said, the dinner must now be prepared for and I had better go and make up my mind whether to wear the dinner jacket or the suit. Decisions, decisions, and on top of the vodka and lager mix ...

Tomorrow there will be the conference proceedings to get through, hopefully having slept off the effects of the dinner, and then another "formal" dinner to survive. And I give my paper an hour ahead of Mausi's on Friday morning .....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:30 PM | TrackBack

November 26, 2007

Let it snow?

Just as well Mausi and I have been busy preparing and fine tuning our presentations for the conference we must attend from Wednesday onwards. This moring we woke up to a world that had turned white overnight - the Taunus mountains where Mausi lives are roughly 465 metres above sea level, almost two hundred higher than the River Rhine, and we have had snow all day. So has quite a bit more of Germany further east and where we will be going tomorrow - Poznan in Poland. I have taken some pictures, but haven't had a chance to downsize them yet so I'm sorry to say, they will have to appear when I get a chance.

From tomorrow posting may well be impossible as we are not sure of online or wifi connections once we go to Poznan. But, we'll do our best to keep you posted - assuming Frankfurt airport and Poznan are still passable for air traffic.

The ground outside at the moment has about three inches of snow covering it and the countryside is really beautiful. The forests around us are dark and brooding though and the birds are all taking shelter from the cold where they can get under eaves and into evergreen shrubs and trees. Mausi the Cat has take roost in the book shelves and refuses to budge, so I guess its cold out there!

On a lighter note, Uberwald has come to the Taunus we think - and we now have to make an expedition to the supermarket for supper. Koom Valley here we come.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:59 PM | TrackBack

November 24, 2007

Conference Time

Posting for the next few days is likely to be erratic as The Monk arrived in Frankfurt am Main this morning to prepare a paper he and Mausi will be sharing in Poznan, Poland, next week. He arrived in brilliant leaving behind a cold and wet Gloucestershire but faces the prospect of snow in Germany and Poland and is very glad he's packed his warm underwear. The Taunus mountains are beautiful as ever, the welcome at Mausi's home was warm and having just come inside from a spot of comet viewing they are warming up again.

We'll keep everybody updated as opportunity serves and internet connections are available.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 06:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 23, 2007

Extreme sports ...

One of the manifestations of youth seeking dangerous activities in defiance of attempts to wrap them in cotton wool must be the occassional outbreaks of "train surfing". This has recently been highlighted again in South Africa following a couple of tragic accidents - and it is a few years now since this was last done in the UK, but I'm betting it will happen again soon. After all, it's dangerous, it cocks a snook at authority and - if you get away with it - you're an instant hero.

One of my favourite cartoons comes from South Africa and Madam and Eve have had a week of cartoons on - you guessed it - Township Train Surfing. The championships, complete with TV coverage and commentators .....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:35 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 10, 2007

A little help for one's friends ...

The Gorse Fox has an appeal on his blog for a little assistance for his daughter - who is conducting a survey and needs some respondents across the spectrum. Please pay him (and her) a visit and spend a couple of minutes filling in her questionnaire.

Every form helps as I know all too well from doing my own Masters Degree.....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 02:47 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

November 08, 2007

Ancient laws

Yesterday's State Opening of Parliament (The layabouts are back in Westminster so we can expect another avalanche of useless laws and more tax) was, as usual, a grand affair. The ritual that surrounds it is always interesting and actually quite moving, with the assembly of all the Peers in the Ermine and red velvet, the various "Officers" of the Palace of Westminster assembling in their robes and all the preparations for the Queen's own arrival in State. One small item which is probably not well known is that the Imperial State Crown, which Her Majesty wears while reading her speech to the assembled Peers and Commons, is conveyed in a State Coach under the escort of four officers of the Household, from Buckingham Palace to the State Apartments at Westminster exactly two hours before the Queen herself follows in her own State Coach. I wonder how many people seeing that confection of white gold and diamonds - there are three thousand of them - realise that it weighs a whopping three pounds and her majesty must walk and sit throughout the ritual with that load on her head. As she is now over eighty years of age, a remarkable feat in itself.

But the Opening has, this year, flagged up some of our older laws and I suppose it is inevitable that, in a legal system now well over a thousand years old, that there will be some that are, frankly ridiculous and others that are funny. And I am not talking about the garbage the present shower of incompetents in Westminster and Whitehall have perpetrated in the last fifteen years either.

One of the funniest has to be the law against dying in Parliament. That's right, you can't die in the Houses of Parliament, to do so is to break the law and you could be arrested and hung for it. It is also illegal to enter the Palace of Westminster wearing armour and if you look at the floor of the Commons you will see a red stripe on the floor in front of the front benches on each side. Any speaker who "crosses the line" during a debate is immediately ejected from the house! The reason? The red lines mark the point which places the debaters outside the reach of each other's swords! Another is that placing a postage stamp bearing the Effigy of the Sovereign upside down on an envelope is an act of treason - a beheading offence for peers and hanging for commoners. A Scotsman carrying a bow and arrows in the City of York may lawfully be killed by any upright citizen and a woman working in a tropical fish store in Liverpool may legally go topless. A dead whale washed up on our shores is divided between the King and the Queen - the head to the King and the tail to the Queen. The law does not specify what happens to the bits between!

Thanks to that bundle of Christian joy, Oliver Cromwell, it is illegal to eat Mince Pies on Christmas Day.

The taxman has some ancient teeth as well, among them are that it is illegal not to tell him something that YOU do not want him to know - but perfectly legal not to tell him something you don't mind him knowing. Work that one out.

Probably the strangest and funniest has to be the law that allows a pregnant woman to urinate anywhere she likes - including into a policeman's helmet. I don't think I want to know the origins of that last bit, frankly the Bind Moggles.

It is one of the difficulties we face in Britain is that our legal system is so ancient that it is actually run on the principle of defending the citizen from the interference of the State. In contrast, many of the continental systems have become "codified" and the civil law is written and managed differently to ours. It is true to say that, in Britain our law is written liberally and interpretted strictly, while on the Continent it is written strictly and interpretted liberally. The interpretation is made by a court of law in our case and not by the individual or the authors. This is known as the "Common Law" system and stretches back to pre-Conquest (1066 and all that!). Just to further complicate matters, most of the EU Law conains elements which are in conflict with the principles of English Law and this is why there is so much opposition to the EU from the common folk of this island nation.

Oh yes, and just to make life even more entertaining, Scottish Law is based upon a Roman Law system and that of the Northern Ireland Assembly has elements of the Brehon Law, Roman Law and English Law all mingled.

No wonder lawyers thrive in the UK!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 04:11 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 03, 2007

Neologism Contest Winners

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions > to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (n): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Posted by Mausi at 08:27 PM | TrackBack

October 31, 2007

Monk in a Sandstorm

The Monk had a bit of fun yesterday. After enjoying the desert during a barbecue on Saturday the desert sent a fully grown sandstorm yesterday. Vast clouds of dust were driving and swirling and blazing hot wind straight out of the Sahara. Temperatures were rather high at about 26 °C. But apparently the Monk weathered the storm unharmed - Mausi bets he was finding grains of sand in the most astonishing places last night....Hrrrmmmmmppfffffffff!

Posted by Mausi at 09:09 PM | TrackBack

October 30, 2007

A quarrel of birds?

Every evening I walk from the 'Guest House' to the internet cafe and pass under a large Australian Gum tree. The tree is home to a large flock of starlings and an even larger flock of sparrows. The noise can be heard a half block from the tree in any direction, hence my title as 'flock' seems a woefully inadequate description of these denizens of the desert.

Mind you, spend any time in this society and you soon learn that a 'Quarrel" may be an appropriate description for any gathering here. Nothing is debated quietly, everything has to be discussed with animation. And none of this polite listen to the first speaker and respond - everyone speaks at the same time with much hand waving and gesticulation. Anyone not used to this can easily assume that it is an argument, but generally it is just a discussion of some finer point of something - anything in fact.

So, as I wander back to the house tonight and pass beneath the tree I shall watch with interest the third colony that live beneath its branches - the many feral cats, feisty, shy and generally scrawny, but I suspect the quarrelling birds provide a regular bounty for their patience.

Yes, the more I think of it, I see in this tree two quarrels of birds and a patience of cats ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 06:08 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 29, 2007

Desert dessert!

The Monk's students decided to show him some true Libyan hospitality on Saturday and took him into the desert for a "Libyan BBQ." The site proved to be not far from the compound which is Mersa Brega, the whole town belongs to the Oil Company and everyone in it is employed by them. That said, it was along the coast amid what would be, anywhere else, the dune field on a beach. Here it is some distance from the sea, just visible in the distance. A surprise was the trees, not, as one would expect palms or desert scrub, but Australian Gum Trees! Yup, the shaggy bark variety complete with gum nuts and eucalypt leaves. Apparently they were planted some thirty years ago in an attempt to anchor the dunes and stop them engulfing the town, the refinery and the harbour. I'd say they were partially successful, but even Australia's hardy eucalypts struggle in this place!

That said, they did provide some wonderful shade and a screen from the sun, where my students set up their BBQ equipment, rolled out a huge carpet and scattered various rugs and mats. The meat was a variety of meats which included goat and sheep chopped up and grilled and salads which included a variety of fresh herbs, green chili, tomatoes and cucumber. The chili should carry a Hazard Warning label. This stuff has a bite that would make the Cobra's eyes water!

Shortly after arriving the call of the local Muezzin wafted over the dunes from the township about half a mile away - you don't want to be close to the Mosque when he calls the faithful to prayer five times a day .... And the assembled company excused themselves, washed hands, feet and heads and then formed up for prayer. I moved a way a short distance so as to leave them space for this and found myself using the time for my own prayers. I may not share their beliefs, but I do not see that as a barrier to prayer.

Prayer over the cooking commenced and this is serious business. Working with these guys has taught me that you can never have only one view - there are as many views as there are people and they all have their say, loudly, with much waving of hands and laughter. I can't remember ever seeing so many people having so much fun without alcohol of any sort. Then its time to sit and eat together, each using pieces of bread to acquire a chunk of meat and gravy. Great way to share a meal - and the chatter and jokes were by now flowing freely. Let's just say, that the humour can be very earthy ... but they way they tell jokes is almost as good as the joke itself.

The afternoon seemed to speed by, with various courses appearing at intervals - and then it was prayer time again. With prayers over it was announced that we would now have "noddles" - translated - macaroni in a spicey sauce, served on a couple of huge platters and the diners, each armed with a spoon, tuck in to the bit nearest them.

The sun was setting as we headed home again, and I would have to say that it is one of the best BBQ's I have ever attended. And I didn't even get sunburned ...

Posted by The Gray Monk at 03:57 PM | TrackBack

October 27, 2007

Update on The Monk

The Monk is still doing well. His students are very interested in the course and teaching them is obviously fun even if they are argumentative at times. Better that than getting no response, Mausi thinks.

Yesterday was Black Friday in Libya, a day of nationwide mourning. Everything was shut down even telephone and internet access. So the Monk had a quiet day to himself with only Harry and Ferghal, the heroes of the book he is writing at the moment, for company.

The Monk says he's slowly getting used to being excluded from conversation around him because hardly anybody speaks English and he has no Arabic. Quite a novel experience. Mausi supposes one can easily get used to the rest of the world speaking at least some sort of English. Must be nice to be able to go almost anywhere on business or on holiday and never having to worry about making oneself understood to the natives. During her stays in England Mausi has been accused of giving people funny, i. e. critical looks, when being talked to in German. Mausi didn't intende to do that she was just totally taken aback at being talked to in her mother tongue.

The Monk has by now served half his time and will hopefully find the remaining days as interesting as the first ones.

Posted by Mausi at 01:25 PM | TrackBack

October 26, 2007

Autumn tristesse

October is the month of golden colours and it has lived up to its name so far. The days have been filled with sunshine. It's funny, however, how colours change when the sky is overcast as it was today. It suddenly feels very much like winter and the end of the year.

   
One of the last coloured spots in Mausi's garden

Mausi had a day off from the office today and decided to have a go at her garden. Almost unnoticed the weeds threatened to take over, particularly one nasty bit of stinging nettle. Alright, Mausi knows it is much favoured by the butterflies. Mausi likes butterflies and has planted all kinds of other plants for them to feed on like buddlejas and a few others. If they want to come to this garden they'll have to make do with what is offered to them.

   
Mausi will be able to go round the gazebo again now. - Another of Mausi's favourite grass plants.

Mausi worked hard for a couple of hours always under the watchful eye of Mausi, the Cat, who took no chances today and didn't come inside for fear of being taken to the vet again. But her wound is healing nicely so there is no need.

Posted by Mausi at 04:53 PM | TrackBack

October 24, 2007

Poor little Mausi

Okay, okay, so I have been in a fight a couple of nights ago. Yes, there's a nasty wound on my forehead but you should have seen the other cat! And yes, I didn't feel quite the thing for a day and moved around slightly dazed, but honestly, wouldn't you too in my place? A bit of pus was accumulating under my skin and my face looked kind of lopsided but that's no reason to drag me off to the vet! I am a free and independent cat after all and can look after myself. And I do have nine lives - so what's all the fuss about? And, would you believe it? They keep driving me to the vet each day. For medication, they say. I call it medieval torture. Or would you like to have a syringe big enough for a horse been stuck into your head? And you should taste the tablets I have to take. Today they got the better of me by hiding it in a little ball of minced meat. I am not going to fall for that again tomorrow....

Me - not quite fully awake after a nap in one of my favourite sleeping places deep down in the book shelved

Posted by Mausi at 06:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

October 23, 2007

Ah, the joys of travel to the Near East ....

Libya is a land of contrasts, not least the weather. Day one was hot and sticky, Day two brought warm and then thunder and downpours, yesterday brought a gale and rough seas and today started rather cold with a strong wind from the desert. Mersa Brega is on the coast, tucked into the Gulf of Sirte, East of the city and west and south of Benghazi. It is a huge oil refinery and small port for tankers and gas carriers and the entire "town" - in reality three towns - is owned, and occupied by the Sirte Oil Company and their staff. Amenities are few and so is entertainment. The beach, the executive "Family" Club and the the desert is about it.

Laundry is a bit of a problem as there is one, but it caters for only a few items and certainly not those things that go under ones outer clothing. As the accommodation is "Guest House" - in other words a house in which visitors share a lounge, kitchen (But noticeably no pots or pans or anything remotely usable for cooking - and NO washing machine!) - it is basic. OK, so one gets taken to a dining room for meals twice a day, and can use a military style canteen, but it certainly isn't five star, four star, or even one star.

Oh well, the people on the other hand are fun and full of interest, so it sort of balances out. Did I mention that there is a supermarket? Great, ever tried shopping with every label in a totally foreign and alien script? Now there is entertainment for you - I have yet to discover whether or not the container I bought recently is coffee - or something else. I'll save that for Friday - which is a day of national mourning and everything (except the refinery) will be closed down. Including the Internet. I think I'll need something to make me laugh ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:02 PM | TrackBack

October 22, 2007

Day Two

The Monk is settling down in his work far out in Libya. Weather is a bit rough and windy but the class is going well. His computer still refuses to play DVDs but has reconsidered talking to the mouse. Some imp inside must have decided to have a bit of fun with the settings - Mausi bets his last name is Microslosh Fortunately, there is another computer available for playing the DVDs. So the Monk can go ahead full steam again and all should run smoothly from now on..

Posted by Mausi at 05:13 AM | TrackBack

October 21, 2007

News update on the Monk

The Monk reached his final destination in Libya yesterday after spending a night in Tripolis. The place that will be home for the next two weeks is surrounded by the desert but only a few miles away from the sea.

Work has started to today, yes, on a Sunday. At the moment his biggest problem seems to be communication with the people around him. Apparently it is not a place where English is one of the better known let alone spoken languages.

Well, sounds like the Monk is in for a lot of interesting experiences and hopefully a bit of fun too during the next couple of weeks.

Posted by Mausi at 10:20 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

October 19, 2007

No beach party tonight

The Monk has safely reached his first destination in Libya. 29 centigrades and a hotel next to the beach with a view! What more could one ask for, especially when we had the first snow in the mountains here in Germany last night? To Mausi's question if he planned to go beach partying tonight he said that the security fence around the hotel was preventing him from even getting near the beach.

Reminded Mausi a bit of what her parents once told her from a visit to Vienna years ago. Her parents went to one of the many Viennese Cafes where they played live music - Wiener Walzer, of course. Mausi's parents felt an itch in their feet for it was a big establishment and there would have been more than enough room to waltz around, but the conductor nipped any attempts of the guests in the bud saying sternly: "No dancing please!" and pointing to a sign on the wall which said the same.

You know, ther may be compensations for the Monk tomorrow morning when he will be able to watch a glorious sunrise from the window of his room!

Posted by Mausi at 04:28 PM | TrackBack

October 13, 2007

Congratulations and a Happy Birthday wish are in order ...

Yesterday got the great news from my son, currently in the US for a further course in flying helicopters, that he has passed his Commercial Pilot Licence for those great big lumps of metal with whirly things on top and at one end. You know the ones I mean - those things that aerodynamically should screw themselves into the ground, but for some inexplicable reason defy the laws of physics and actually become airborn.

Well done Nic, another ambition achieved, I hope it leads where you want to go.

And congratulations to my eldest daughter, The Postulant, who marks her birthday today. I won't embarrass her by revealing her age, suffice it to say that I can scarecly believe that I once held her in the palms of my two hands - and now she's a full grown and very striking young woman. I hope the year ahead brings you everything you could wish for my dear.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 11:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 07, 2007

Organ Gala

How does one describe a couple of hours of stunning music performed by top musicians on instruments that are simply awesome? Not easily obviously. Last night we had the pleasure of listening to a programme performed by David Sanger, Carleton Etherington and Benjamin Nicholas on the three Abbey organs.

The Mighty Milton certainly strutted its stuff with a Bach Sinfonia "Wir danken Dir, Gott", a Wolstenholme "Allegretto", Franck's "Piece Heroique", Lloyd Webber's "Benedictus", Gardonyi's "Mozart Changes, Bingham's "Roulade", Egjebar's "Melody from Jarne in Darlana" and the "Finale" from Sympohonie VI by Widor all played by David Sanger. Carleton put the little Elliot to work and filled the Abbey with its gentler tones and Sweelink's "Ballo del Granduca" and partnered the Milton most effectively in the Concerto Op 4 No 6 by Handel. Anyone who has heard "The cuckoo and the nightingale" will recognise the form and the balance between the two instruments with Ben Nicholas on the Milton and Carleton on the Elliot was absolutely stunning.

And then there was the Glorious Grove - exuberant, brilliantly toned and magnificently played by Carleton and Ben. The hundred and twenty year old action certainly got a workout as they performed "Fantaisie in E Flat" by Saint-Saens (Ben driving) and "Concert Overture in C Minor" by Hollins with Carleton at the manuals.

The only problem I have with listening to such talented performers is this - I go green with envy at their ability to make such glorious music, and sick as a dog at the ease with which they apparently do it while I can't even play two notes together properly. Watching them perform is a treat, they play with feeling, yet are technically brilliant and at the same time pour their passion into the sounds they demand from these instruments. Carleton sits upright and focussed, his face immobile - but the passion pours from his fingers and resounds in the music, Ben throws his very being into the instrument and David Sanger plays with passion. What more can one say.

For those that do not know these instruments (What a treat you have instore when one day you do meet them!) the Milton Organ was first constructed for Magdallen College, Oxford by Robert Dallam in 1631 and most of that original piepwork is still in the instrument. It moved to Hampton Court in 1654 under the Commonwealth and was played there by the poet John MIlton before it moved briefly back to Oxford and then to the Abbey in 1734. Since then it has been rebuilt and enlarged by various famous organ builders including John Holland (1796), "Father" Willis (1848), J W Walker (1948) and finally Kenneth Jones in 1997 to reach its present size, shape and sound.

The Grove was built as an exhibition instrument for the 1885 Inventions Exhibition and is remarkable for the fact that it remains "as built". It was designed to be taken apart and moved from exhibition to exhibition as an advert for its builders Michell and Thynne. Unfortunately their business didn't succeed and so this unique instrument was sold and donated to the Abbey where it fills the North Transept. It has no "case" and all the action and pipes are on display with the console to one side - and the console is unusual because it employs four different types of "action" - intended to show prospective customers what they could have from the firm. The organists say it is difficult to play - but that is more than compensated for by the brilliance of the sound it produces and, if you want to see them angry, just suggest changing it!

The "baby" of the trio is the little Elliot. Built in 1813 by Thomas Elliot as a Chamber Organ for a grand house near here it was donated to the Abbey in 1918 and used in the "Mission Hall" until the 1950's. It has only five stops, but has one of the sweetest sounds and is frequently used to accompany small orchestral concerts as the "continuo" - a task it is often more than man enough to provide. On its own it can fill the Abbey with its sound, but it is more frequently used in the Lady Chapel where it can accompany the singing of a smaller congregation beautifully. Fully restored and rebuilt in 200-2001 it is now good for the forseeable future and many more concerts.

Which leaves only the Grove needing a major overhaul, something it has never had. Conserved in 1981, only some parts were "repaired" and the instrument cleaned. It now needs serious work and we would like to raise it around ten feet so that it stands at the same level as the Milton. The action probably needs to be completely rebuilt to make it playable with less acrobatics on the part of the organist (Some pieces require the organist to have two people to help him drawing "stops" when he needs a change of tone or pace in a hurry!) and the whole needs to have its windchests, pipes and all the many linkages fully restored. How much it will cost is a matter of speculation - probably over a million and that we haven't got at present.

All of that said - what a concert, what a performance and what talented organists! Heaven came through the music last night, all too briefly.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:36 AM | TrackBack

October 05, 2007

New Anthology of Short Stories coming soon ...

Recently I have contributed several stories to an online e-zine Residential Aliens. Now the Editor of that has put together a number of his favourites and some completely new stories in an anthology which will be published on the 1st November 2007. To my delight (Its good for my ego at the moment!) two of my stories will be in it, one you may already have read, but the second is new, never previously published and one I am reall pleased to see going into print.

In the meantime you may want to look at the advanced publicity appearing on SF Reader and see what some other people say about the stories going into this collection. Personally, I can't wait to see the collection in print.

But then I would say that, wouldn't I.

Update: And I have had another Review posted on Amazon for Out of Time! Very encouraging indeed.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:47 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 02, 2007

What's up today?

Uuaaaagggggggh!!!! What's up today?

I have a feeling there's something I should have remembered today....

Bugger!! Wish I could think of whatever it was and go to sleep again ....

Hah, now I know!

Posted by Mausi at 05:19 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 27, 2007

The wanderer returns ...

Got back very late to the Domus, and then this morning found that MuNu had changed their access .....

It has been a long and tricky day trying to negotiate my way through a problem that opened up just as I was outward bound - but we have hopefully resolved most of the issues now and can return to more normal posting from tomorrow. Now, back to the post pile and the sorting of the bills, the urgent attentions and the plain old fashioned junk. I can't believe how much has arrived in the last four days ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The wanderer returns ...

Got back very late to the Domus, and then this morning found that MuNu had changed their access .....

It has been a long and tricky day trying to negotiate my way through a problem that opened up just as I was outward bound - but we have hopefully resolved most of the issues now and can return to more normal posting from tomorrow. Now, back to the post pile and the sorting of the bills, the urgent attentions and the plain old fashioned junk. I can't believe how much has arrived in the last four days ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 12:48 PM | TrackBack

September 26, 2007

Roadsigns that you can't ignore ....

Sometimes you meet a roadsign that doesn't quite tell you what the problem really is. That is probably the faulkt of trying to condense everything into "standard" signs. The one in the photo below is clear as a bell - but standard it is not!

OK - so it takes being able to read this. Ignore the warning at your peril!

Sometimes the only way to get someones attention is to spell something out. This one was spotted in the US - and it certainly grabs your attention.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 02:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 24, 2007

Gone East

Well, roughly South and East. The Monk has anyway. He has swapped places temporarily (geographically at least!) with The Gray Monk is spending the next three days in Surrey, just south of the dreaded M25. It is work, not pleasure that drags him away from the quiet flood plains of Tewkesbury and the sound of the Abbey's bells, and he may even, if he is good and doesn't upset the students, get a chance to sample some of the fine country around this part of Surrey.

The camera is at hand, the laptop along with the load ...

Posted by The Gray Monk at 02:28 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 18, 2007

Fire Fighters discover anti-gravity generator ...

Skipjack Well, maybe not quite, but it is all down to the power of water and your pump. My good friend Skipjack sent me a link to a wonderful video clip which demonstrates both the power of water and the ingenuity of the Fire Fighter when not constrained by the "Health and Safety forbids everything" mob. Looking at the outfits and the equipment, this demonstration was filmed in either Germany or Austria. Vorsprung durch Technik - obviously

You just have to admire the planning and ingenuity that went into setting this demonstration up!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 10:55 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 16, 2007

I got it from Scott Adams - honest!

I am a subscriber to the Daily Dilbert. For years I have believed that Mister Adams has had a spy-cam in the management suite of my former employer, some days it was just too close to reality to be otherwise. But for those who have perused my blogroll you may have noticed the link to The Dilbert Blog.

Well, on a recent visit I found this piece. And it could only be the creator of Dilbert who could come up with the reasons for the man's wife walking out on him.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 04:34 PM | TrackBack

September 14, 2007

Praise indeed

It is really nice to know that people enjoy my writing, and I have just seen a post on One Happy Dog Speaks that really made me feel good. VWBug enjoyed my book enough to do a whole post on it.

Thanks for that boost, the sequel is getting there!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 13, 2007

Of Gorse and Abbeys ....

Last night the Monk met the Fox. The Gorse Fox actually, and spent a very enjoyable evening over a rather good dish of curry with nan bread and a pint of finest Cobra Lager. Conversation was wide ranging and I am happy to say that, in the course of the evening, several things I learned have resolved some minor problems with the plot of my next story.

This was the first time we had met, despite having exchanged comments and thoughts electronically for some time. And I will confess that I did wonder whether I would recognise the "Madra rua" on sight. I need not have worried, he had selected the restuarant well - and he has matured well so was recognisable from the youthful image on his blog. The conversation seemed to go across a very broad spectrum of mutual interests and we certainly "put the world to rights" before he departed for his hotel and I made my way home to my abode.

I did promise to show him the Abbey when next we meet. Something I will definitely look forward to.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 06:46 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

September 08, 2007

eBay will never be the same again.

Thanks again to VW Bug at One happy dog speaks, I found one of the funniest things I have ever seen on eBay. Take a frazzled mother of six (Yes, SIX) kids and send her grocery shopping with all six ....

The auction item has had over 17,000 hits and the comments are now closed because the site has been swamped with them. I have to say, I like her style!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:13 PM | TrackBack

September 05, 2007

Birthday Greetings

The Monk's son was born this day in 19-- and his youngest daughter was born three years later less one day. They are both now adults and making their own inimitable marks upon the world. To you both many happy returns of the day for your birthdays, may you have many, many more ahead.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

How will I die?

This is all VWBug's fault. She put this item up on her blog and I am unable to resist the temptation of finding out what the result is. I suppose I could have died of boredom .....

Interestingly changing three of the parameters in my initial go - the number I chose, the Tarot and the Playing Card resulted in this -

A bit of fun really - and if I have to go suddenly I would rather it was in the second manner ......

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:24 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

September 03, 2007

Oh to be a Cat!

Whenever I have difficulties falling asleep at night I wish I were a cat. Being able to go from full alert into unconsciousness from one moment to the next must be wonderful. I always think no one can sleep as intense as a cat radiating peace and comfort at the same time.

Mausi having taken over the bed from her humans for the day

Mausi. the Cat, has quite a number of favourite sleeping places in the house and garden depending on her mood. With increasing age she also like to switch between soft and hard grounds.

A shadowy place in the garden, perfect for resting and pouncing on careless birds and mice

Another favourite spot is one of the bookshelves. I have no idea how she can feel comfortable in there. What Mausi likes best, however, is pushing humans out of their chairs in the garden and then take over the pre-warmed spot:

Ahhh, this is heaven...

In my next life, I'd like to be a cat, I think. Provided I can find a nice bunch of humans who know how to attend to my every need, of course.

Posted by Mausi at 02:32 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 01, 2007

Double English? The not so subtle art of the Double-entendre

I am told that English is almost unique as a language in its propencity for unintentional alternative interpretations of any given statement. The "Double-entendre" is the stock in trade of the "stand up comedian" and has been since Chaucer. Certainly from the little I know of German and Dutch it is almost impossible to say something in a way which can have a funny or rather rude alternative meaning. Probably only in English do we use certain words as euphemisms for something else, usually a part of the anatomy or for some bedroom activity definitely rated "Adult".

Why raise this issue? Well. just occassionally someone inadvertantly says something on live television or radio in this country - or even on BBC World Service, which gets everyone with a sense of humour splitting their sides to the complete bafflement of non-English speakers - or, perhaps more surprisingly, from the puritanical "censor everything" brigade who, one assumes, should not even begin to understand what has been said. A list of some of the best such bloopers is in the extended post below. I take no credit for them, they are genuine and the list was forwarded to me by SlimJim.

I shall offer no interpretation - if you need one it isn't going to be amusing.

Here are 12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!! What have I just said??"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:47 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 27, 2007

I've been Googled!

Well, I suppose it could be the start of greater things, I hope so anyway! But I have recently discovered that my book Out of Time is on Google Books. Helpfully you can access sample pages and all the suppliers from there as well.

Now there's a spur to getting the sequel published!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 02:39 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 26, 2007

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No its probably my son driving some VIP on some motorway. He is now a qualified high speed pursuit driver and drives for a very special agency. The training is unbelievably thorough and involves a number of manoeuvres that make your hair stand on end, and probably require changes of underwear for the passengers. Mind you, the cars they are driving are far from standard in everything except appearance. But the exterior apart, you probably wouldn't recognise the rest of it even if you drive the supposedly same model.

The training has been tough, it has been demanding and he has come through with flying colours. As we probably all knew he would - but you never tell your kids something like that now do you?

To say I am proud of his is probably an understatement.

Oh, and his other speciality is flying helicopters. That is what he really wants to do, but the car thing is a good substitute and from my perspective doesn't involve hanging several tons of machinery inherently unsuitable for flying off a single bolt ......

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

August 13, 2007

Monday ....

It's nice to start a Monday with something positive I always think, so it was a pleasure to wake to sunlight and a gentle warm breeze. I am also informed that Residential Aliens will be creating a new issue of their online magazone later this week and my story may be published then. All good stuff to look forward to.

My son has spent the weekend here as well and is, even now, packing to go back to his training course. It starts at 16.00 and will run through the night tonight, then another two weeks of daytime evolutions and classrooms, four weeks in all and he seems to be having a lot of fun on it. He certainly likes his job and enjoys working with the majority of those he deals with - but, like his father, is a cynic to the core and knows just how little those he deals with consider anyone but themselves. And, yes, he does deal with the great and the good, the civil service and the politcians. At least I can say he has a healthy cynicism when it comes to anything they promise, say or do. It has been great fun having him here, but I suspect both of us could have given our beds a little more time, we seemed to have so much to catch up on or discuss.

Well, it is Monday, time I got off to try and convince the client that I am worth taking on board, if only because it will stop the bank manager needing to ask me to bank with them again and not him banking with me. Can't understand his attitude on that, after all, I pay him far more interest when I am holding and spending his money than when I let him keep mine. There you go, funny old world really - and just think how easily it would all come crashing to the ground now we are so dependent on the technology .....

Happy Monday!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 08:25 AM | TrackBack

August 12, 2007

So just how committed am I to this blog thing?

Thanks to VW Bug at One Happy Dog Speaks I now know thw awful truth ....

62%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Mingle² - Dating Site

Posted by The Gray Monk at 04:24 PM | TrackBack

August 10, 2007

Church Notices

Church Notices are a minefield, which is why at the Abbey all our bulletins are checked by two independent people to make sure they all read correctly. Even so, the occassional glitch slips through the net, fortunately, so far, we haven't managed any quite on a par with the list my eldest daughter, The Postulant, has sent me today. Some of them lend credence to HRH the Duke of Edinburgh's assertion that Bipediorthodontology should be recognised as a medical condition.

Some of the examples collected so assidiously probably said all the right things at the time to the writer, but English does have that wonderful trap for the unwary - the double entendre.

Subject: Church Bulletins...

They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type them. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about
you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

For those wondering: Bipediorthodontology - The ability to open your mouth and place both feet in it. See also; Opening my mouth only to change feet; Taking the digger into the hole with you; etc....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 04:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 08, 2007

Tidy up time!

Buying a new printer has meant having to sort out my "office" corner to free up the space to install the thing. This purchase was necessary because I found myself having to pay a lot to print reports on my inkjet printer which runs out of ink fairly regularly. So, the answer was to buy a laser. Duplex.

OK, so now I can print large reports quickly and economically. But fitting it into a small working area has been an interesting and entertaining experience. Not.

The one good thing is that all the sorting and tidying I have been putting off is now done. And I will be late for my dinner appointment if I don't hurry. Trouble is I'm tired enough now to nod of during the soup course.

I better not snore.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 05:16 PM | TrackBack

August 07, 2007

Random 8 response ...

Skipjack finally got a chance. His selection makes fun reading ....

Posted by The Gray Monk at 07:52 AM | TrackBack

August 02, 2007

Random 8 Fun

Well I tagged VW Bug, The Gorse Fox and Skipjack. They in turn have tagged various friends and some of the results have been hilarious.

The Gorse Fox was the first to respond and came up with his 8 Random items, but then tagged Boston IT Party .... whose response under "Tagged" has to be read to be appreciated.

VW Bug at One Happy Dog Speaks came up with her 8 and tagged a friend named Tink at Tink's Tribulations.

And Skipjack has promised to give it some thought when he finally returns from a month on the move.

Good fun - and it's amazing what we learn about ourselves in the process.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 04:44 PM | TrackBack

July 30, 2007

Boat trip on the Spree

Mausi had to go on a business trip to Berlin this week. As business was conducted successfully during the day Mausi felt entitled to a little fun in the evening, hopped onto a public transport and went to see that part of Berlin where the governmental buildings are situated. The last time she went there most of them were still under construction. The finished buildings took Mausi's breath away - they are huge and do look impressive. As intended, no doubt.

The Reichstag, the building that houses the German Parliament, seen from the river

Mausi went for an hour's cruise on the river Spree in the warm evening sunshine. A perfect ending of the day. The Spree was the former border between East and West Berlin. The Berlin Wall was about 100 m removed from the river on the East Berlin side. The 100 m strip made it much easier for the border guards to prevent people from trying to rush into the river and try to swim to West Berlin in the unlikely event that they had been able to get over the wall in the first place.

The Bode Museum on the Museum Island, named after one of its directors

The Bode Museum is one of the many museums on the so called Museum Island in Berlin. Perhaps the most famous among them is the Pergamon Museum. Bits of it can be seen behind the Bode Museum to the right. Legend says that during the last days of WW II employees of the Pergamon Museum only just prevented soldiers from tearing apart the priceless Pergamon altar and use it to reinforce the barricades. At the moment extensive renovation and restoration is going on on the museum island. Mausi is hoping for a week she can spend there one day and browse around.

Haus der Kulturen der Welt (House of the Cultures of the World)

This building is the former Congress Centre in Berlin. Originally it was the American contribution the the World Exhibition in Berlin 1957. Due to a design fault the roof caved in in the 1980's. It has been rebuilt, however, and will be housing the cultures of the world in the future. It is one of Berlin's well known sights. Berliners have a special kind of humour and are very adept at naming things. This building they call 'Die schwangere Auster' (The pregnant Oyster).

The Moltke Bridge

The so called Moltke Bridge - named after the well known Prussian Field Marshal - is one of the very few bridges in Berlin which were not destroyed during WW II. It was rebuilt a few years ago nonetheless and has now a steel core which is covered with the original sandstone. The bridge looks the way it was originally designed but also is able to withstand the demands of today's traffic. A very good idea, Mausi thinks.

Posted by Mausi at 07:09 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 17, 2007

Musical interlude

Just got back from the Abbey and the enjoyment of a very well presented and performed recital. The choir was from a Methodist Church in Fort Worth, Texas and this is their first experience of singing in a building like the Abbey. I would have to say that they managed superbly and I am looking forward to their leading Choral Evensong tomorrow and Thursday. If todays performance was anything to go by, the services they sing will be magnificent.

This is one of the perks of worshipping in our Abbey Church, the music is always rich and varied and todays renditions were no exception.

Now, the music over, its back to the grindstone for this Monk.

Oh, and it's still raining in between the bursts of sunshine. Thanks St Swithin!

Posted by The Gray Monk at 01:51 PM | TrackBack

July 15, 2007

St Swithin, Agincourt - oh, and it's raining ....

St Swithin's day, according to Shakespeare, the day on which the Battle of Agincourt was fought, something we are supposed to forget these days I think. Far too patriotic or something. But legend says that if it rains today, it will rain for the next forty days. Guess what, I woke up this morning to find it was pouring ....

Interestingly an e-mail from my brother, resident in Cape Town, complains of the cold there, so I looked up his weather. It is winter there at present. OK, it IS Africa, and it is a lot closer the equator than the UK is, but it just dopesn't seem fair that their overnight temperature is only just lower than mine in wet and soggy Gloucestershire, and his daytime temperature is higher than mine. Still, given that they did have snow within forty miles of Cape Town much ealier this winter - while I was basking in nice warm sunshine, I suppose I should not complain.

Yes, and Agincourt. I wonder how the archers kept their bowstrings dry? Apparently one of the factors that led to the French defeat was that it had been raining, was raining and would continue to rain. Armoured knights and armoured horses, soggy ground and confinement for a charge don't tend to be a good mix. THose the archers wounded, fell, those behind fell on top of them and others trampled the fallen. And all the time the archers maintained the hail of deadly long bow arrows. The French lost twelve thousand the English six hundred and most of those were the sick and the women and children in the baggage train which the ever so brave Dauphin found and slaughtered in rage.

Ah well, old history now, and its raining still. I shall have to invest either in webbed feet or waders.

Posted by The Gray Monk at 11:00 AM | Comments (1)

July 14, 2007

The Random 8

I've been tagged by Cindy of Dusting my brain to reveal eight random things about myself, so, never being able to resist a dare .....

1. My childhood ambition was to join the navy and become the captain of a warship. Sadly, I never mastered enough maths to achieve this ambition, so now I write books about it instead. My father was brilliant at maths, but never could understand why I couldn't see how easy it was.

2. Took the tip off my left index finger playing with gun my father was servicing. He refused to do any more work for the person concerned for not checking the gun was safe before delivering it - and gave me a hiding for playing with it. And I spent several hours in A&E having the tip of my finger put back together.

3. The sea, boats, ships and sailing are my passion - no surprise there for readers of this blog - and I started sailing competitively aged around twelve. Won the juniors trophy aged fourteen. Probably the high point of my sailing career.

4. I have always had an urge to help others - I find it is usually fun and very fulfilling - so I joined the St John Ambulance and did voluntary ambulance and home nursing work for several years alongside being a Scoutmaster - all while earning a living in a series of unfulfilling jobs.

5. Having been selected as an Ordination candidate I went to Theological College only to find that my vision of the where's, what's and how' of worship, theology and the work of a priest was no longer the vision of those then running the church and sadly I had to give that up - and went back to unfulfilling jobs .....

6. I joined the Fire Service looking for thrills, adventure and the opportunity to help people while enjoying the work. It nearly didn't work out, but, thankfully, marriage, three terrific kids, some damned good colleagues and a lot of really interesting work I stuc