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August 26, 2005

Medical mangles?

It's Friday, so I thought I'd celebrate the fact - and that it's a long weekend - with something funny. I got this list of mangled medical recording from my brother in Cape Town. I think I hope that the medical abilities are not accurately reflected by the mangled reports!

Actual writings in a Mpumalanga Hospital

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

NO comment!

Posted by The Gray Monk at August 26, 2005 01:38 PM

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I've often suspected #18 would apply to a number of people... and love #27...

Posted by: Laughing Wolf at August 26, 2005 03:50 PM

Unfortunately, this is an all too common global phenomenon !!

Posted by: MommaBear at August 26, 2005 06:15 PM

number 27 is my favorite

Posted by: skipjack at August 27, 2005 01:58 AM