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December 23, 2004
Environment agency to prosecute Santa
It was announced today that the Environment Agency is to prosecute Santa for the pollution caused to run-off water from roof and street drains by reindeer droppings and "other effluent". The EA alleges in papers before the Crown Prosecution Service that the accumulated droppings and other waste from the reindeer is causing a serious case of bacteriological pollution in all ground water, several streams and rivers, and has possibly entered some of our largest reservoirs.
An EA inspector has been monitoring run-off from drains and streams in areas Santa has visited for several years and now has conclusive proof that there is an increase in bacteriological pollution levels over the 24 - 25th December period. He denies that this could arise from the location of several hostelries in the immediate area around the drains and streams he is sampling and states that it can only be due to the visits of a certain S Claus, known to drive a sleigh and reindeer, to the area.
The EA takes its responsibility to protect the environment extremely seriously and thus cannot permit this situation to continue. That well known Barrister, Mr G Pettifogger QC, has been retained to prosecute the case. "In a high profile case such as this," he stated, "it is important that we get to the facts - and the fact is that the accused in this case has been getting away with polluting our water ways, our skies, and our chimneys for years. It is time to put a stop to his activities, and the agency is determined to do so!"
Posted by The Gray Monk at December 23, 2004 09:56 AM