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March 01, 2005
A meditation on the illness of a friend
Recently a very dear friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Initially it seemed that radical surgery and aggressive therapy would be sufficient to cut off the cancer, and she could look forward to a long and trouble free (relatively - after all we are human beings!) life. Then came the detailed reports of the tumour and more investigations, and suddenly nothing was quite so clearcut anymore!
At times like this it is tempting to fall back on the "why does God allow this?" or "Why should this good person suffer - where is God?" or even "Why doesn't God answer my prayers? Why no miracle cure?" But this is the temptor at work, a read of Job tells us that suffering is not about whether the person is "good" or "bad" but about fulfilling the role or the purpose for which we are set upon this earth. It is part of our spiritual development, part of the growing up of the spirit, and the preparation for the life hereafter. Suffering comes in many forms, for some it is physical, for others mental, and for still others a combination of both. There are things that can and do make it worse; one such is when that person turns in on themselves with such intensity that they succeed in isolating themselves and their suffering by compounding the pain with further pain in separating themselves from friends and loved ones. Sometimes their concern for others is so intense that they intensify their own suffering by worrying about someone they have cared for or love deeply who is close to them or dependent on them.
We all need to remember, in a time of suffering, the words of John Donne, "No man is an island, entire of itself. We are all part of the whole." As the man strolling with God along a beach observed when he noticed that in places in his life there were only one set of footprints which coincided with particular lowpoints and hard times in his life, it seemed that those were the times when God had abandoned him. "Far from it," replies God, "those were the times when I was carrying you!"
Sometimes we get so engrossed in our own pain that we forget that God is there beside us, sometimes carrying us, but always suffering with us. Christ came among us so that we could become like God, therefore, that part of us which is from God and suffers as we suffer means that God is Himself suffering as we suffer. He does answer our prayers, but sometimes what we pray for is not what we need, and then we get angry when we get something that we do need instead.This is where having too fundamentalist a vision of God can often hinder our understanding of Him. He is not like us, bound by flesh and time, and we are only in part like Him, in the spirit. Sometimes we only remember that when we are deeply distressed or in danger of losing everything, even life itself, so it may be that we are put here to help one another to discover our purpose, our faith, and even who our friends really are.
My friend has helped, and - in St Paul's words - "been a succourer of many, and of myself also" - now that she is in need, it is our turn to be the succourers, even though most of us can only offer prayer, support, and a shoulder to lean on as she fights her battle with cancer. The important thing is to be true friiends, true helpers, and to avoid at all costs the sort of self-satisfied pronouncements made by Job's so-called comforters!
Pray, my friends, for your friend and mine that she may find healing and peace, whether of the body or the mind - the good Lord alone will know. We are all part of the whole, as Donne wrote, "send not to ask for whom the Bell tolls, it tolls for thee." As any one of us suffers so it affects us all; it is something we must remember, and pray for each other over. None of us knows the hour or indeed the day of our departure from this life. Even as I type, it could well be that this may be the last thing I type. Naturally I hope it isn't, but life is never certain, and it is full of risks. All we can hope for is that the Lord our God will be there to catch us as we fall - and we have His Word on that!
"That was when I was carrying you!"
Posted by The Gray Monk at March 1, 2005 10:09 AM
Comments
Having experienced this in my family with my dad, the most beautiful thing to come of it was the support and caring I received from many virtual strangers in this space.
I can hold your hand and the hand of your friend, at least here in cyberspace, for it is that very support that means so much - perhaps it will help just a little bit. You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for her.
Posted by: Cindy at March 1, 2005 10:32 PM