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December 19, 2004
Santa in trouble over immigration
In a separate development, Mr Clarke (replacing Mr Blunkett at the Home Office) has refused to intervene in an investigation into allegations that Santa is a Turkish migrant from Smyrna travelling under false papers. If found to be true, Santa would be subject to immediate arrest and deportation to his state of origin - Turkey.
In papers before the Immigration and Nationality Department (IND) it is alleged that Santa is actually a Turkish citizen also known as "Saint" Nicholas and formerly resident in Smyrna. The informant alleges that he is an illegal migrant to Finland and is therefore living under a false identity and forged papers. It has been confirmed that Immigration Officers have been alerted to this and instructed to apprehend anyone answering to the description of him which is widely circulated. This is expected to be fairly easy to do now that the EU's flight control rules will force him to land at Heathrow, Stansted, or Gatwick and clear through Customs and Immigration there.
A Spokesperson for the IND confirmed that, if apprehended with false documents, Santa could face immediate detention and deportation. His reindeer, sleigh, and its contents could be impounded and sold to defray expenses as a result. If his documentation was found to be in order, there would be no problem, and he would be permitted to proceed, provided no other government agency had any objection.
It was confirmed that if he sought to claim asylum, his case could result in his being permitted to remain in Britain, possibly under restriction, until his case had been thoroughly investigated. It was pointed out, however, that he would have to provide adequate proof that his life or liberty would be in danger if returned to Turkey. When it was pointed out that, as a Christian, Santa may face persecution in his home country (if he is indeed a Turk), the spokesperson rejected this as a reasonable claim.
"That is simply a myth", he alleged, adjusting his fez.
Posted by The Gray Monk at December 19, 2004 10:44 AM