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November 27, 2003
Humour or terminal decline?
Humour is always a very delicate issue. A friend of mine regularly sends me funnies - some of which I could not publish here! What is hilariously funny to one person, is not in the least funny to another. It may even be offensive! That said I offer these latest proofs that the human race may be in terminal decline; that perhaps terminal stupidity should be a punishable offence!
These are all genuine "health warnings" from a range of items on sale!
On a hairdryer - "Do not use while sleeping"
So somnabulation while washing and drying hair is not recommended?
On a bag of savory snacks - "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside"
Is this an invitation to attempt to shoplift the product?
On a bar of soap - "Directions: Use like normal soap"
Is there any other way?
On a frozen meal: "Serving suggestion: Defrost"
As it is only a suggestion, it would appear that it could be eaten frozen if so desired ......
On a Tiramisu dessert: "Do not turn upside down" Just to confuse, this is printed on the bottom of the container!
Presumably the buyer should replace the one they have just inverted to read this notice, and take another?
On a Brand Label Bread Pudding: "This product will be hot after heating"
No kidding!
On the packaging for a famous make of clothes iron: "Do not iron clothes on body"
Tricky, but I suppose possible if you are suffering from terminal stupidity.
On a Japanese food processor (This may just be a bad case of translationitis!): "Do not use for the other use"
I don't think I even want to think about it!
And my favourites:
On a famous supermarket chains packaged peanuts: "WARNING: Contains nuts"
No comment.
On a Swedish make of chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals"
My eyes water just thinking about that one!
One can hardly blame the manufacturers, this is the product of too many really stupid people doing things like trying to dry their pet kitten in the microwave oven, setting the cruise control in a brand new motor home and leaving the driving seat to make a cup of coffee and driving with a cup of hot coffee balanced in their laps!
Like I said, terminal stupidity ought to be a capital offence! Let natural selection take its toll - the gene pool can only get better without the people that need these warnings!
We can have a good laugh at the apparent silliness of these notices, but what do they say about the society in which we live?
Posted by The Gray Monk at November 27, 2003 10:56 PM
Comments
You have to remember most of those warnings are put on there as a result of a lawsuit. What totaly amazes me is that some tried to stop a chainsaw with their genitals. I had to put a warning on a maint procedure to wash your hands after handling the grease. Someone didn't realise that they had grease on thier hands and wiped thier eyes.
Posted by: Matthew at November 29, 2003 03:50 AM
Sure, but it still begs the question. Why are so many people so incapable of applying even a small amount of logic to identify that something will hurt/is dangerous/likely to result in some serious consequences for somebody? And why do courts encourage these idiots by giving them big handouts as a reward for being terminally stupid?
Posted by: The Gray Monk at November 29, 2003 11:56 PM