The Gray Monk: Congratulations

November 22, 2003

Congratulations

Today my youngest brother in law and his fiance tied the knot. It has been planned for almost a year and they have worked hard to ensure that everything necessary was in place for the big day. I should have been there, but, as is often the way, other things have also been in play and, at the end of the day, I could not make the trip. As is often the case, man proposes and God disposes. Sometimes I just wish He would let me in on the plan.

By now, it is yesterday in Canberra and the family will be all either on their way home, or asleep in various hotels if they are making it a weekend away. Most will have come from much further afield than we in the UK are used too. I hope that everyone had a fabulous day and wish the happy couple every happiness for the future. I hope I will soon be able to congratulate them in person.

Marriage is a huge commitment and one of the most stressful periods in anyone's life. This is not because we aren't properly prepared, but rather because, no matter how well we know each other, we still have a huge amount of adjustment to make to fit ourselves around each others likes, dislikes and foibles. It takes time and it takes a huge amount of effort and patience to do it successfully. St Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthian Christians, "Love is patient, love is kind. ..... Love does not keep score."

Whether you are a Christian or not, that last point is one on which many relationships are wrecked. It is in our nature to nurse our wounds and harbour grudges and if we are to make a success of any relationship it is the first thing we have to lose. There is no competition in love, there can be no score. If the relationship is founded on solid mutual respect, attraction and genuine love (and I do not here mean the "Eros" form of love as in the Greek original, but the "Philo" - the love of anothers spirit.), then there can be room for growth and the ongoing excitement of constantly rediscovering each other.

The initial stress in any marriage comes from the expectations we all bring to the relationship. We all have a vision of what we think the other wants, thinks and feels about a range of issues, and frequently we are dissappointed to discover that the other partner in this is not of the same mind, indeed has a range of their own expectations of us. Love is patient, love is kind. Once we learn that our expectations are not quite as the other sees us, then we have to learn patience, and allow each other to grow, all the time being there for each other, all the time trying to make sure that, as we grow, we do not grow apart.
It is given to very few of us to always be in perfect accord and there are always times when it is tempting to make a harsh retort or to start "keeping scores". This way lies bitter dissappointment and unhappiness for all.

Sometimes one will have to carry the other and vice versa. Sometimes we all laugh together and sometimes we weep. We should never laugh at each other or take pleasure in anothers pain. Paul's letters dwell on this in a number of different guises, but one which springs readily to mind, is "then abide these three, faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love."

I hope that you will all join with me in wishing this happy couple a long life together always in love, even when not in harmony!

Ye Gods! A sermonette! Fetch the smelling salts!

Posted by The Gray Monk at November 22, 2003 04:39 PM